Thursday, September 11, 2008

Future Shock

Not sure whether you heard, but Eurobike or whatever the heck it's called happened recently. New products galore. Basically it's kind of like Interbike, just with more Europeans. Or, given the weakness of the dollar, maybe just fewer Americans. Certainly fewer Wayne Newtons.

Anyway, you can check out a bunch of product photos here (via Pijin) and read about them if you sprechen Deutsch. If you don't feel like clicking, here's a few highlights with my usual kneejerk (emphasis on jerk) opinions:


1. KHE Astral hubs.



We're just getting closer and closer to BMX parts being sold in baggies and priced by the gram, aren't we? I can't believe I ridiculed Alienation for listing their stuff by "street value." It's really happening! Anyway, another "you can only lace it the way we want you to" straight-pull front hub, and a bizarre Frankenstein cassette that looks like it should have rough stitches separating the left side from the right. I assume 452 grams is light for a pair of hubs—I'm glad I don't know how light. (Also, either that front hub has a REALLY long axle, or it's just happy to see me.)



2. Éclat brake


I don't know about the brake, but that scale is freaking awesome. You can weigh your coke on it, then cut and snort it right off the same surface! A mirrored scale! Man, I really want one. It's gotta be Japanese, right? Only they would come up with something so cool. Or Swiss. Maybe it's Swiss. Wait, what were we talking about?


3. Illegal BB

Let's face it—if you don't have a super-trick, machined-out tube spacer in your bottom bracket, you should probably just sell your bike and take up knitting. Then again, who's gonna buy a bike that doesn't have a super-trick, machined-out tube spacer in the bottom bracket? Man, you're fucked.



4. KHE Hindenburg Titanium cranks


I realize that KHE's cranks have been named Hindenburgs for a long time. That said, naming a super-expensive, super-lightweight part after an airship that blew up spectacularly (killing 36 people in the process) seems like it's inviting, um, disaster. I can't wait until they release the super-slim Auschwitz Bars.



5. KHE Spectre


One-piece bar/stem combo? Check.
One piece seat/post? Check.
Folding tires? Check.
Titanium cranks? Check.
Plastic BB "bearings"? Check.
Super low-slung frame? Check.
$2,242 price tag?* Check.

Wow, where do I sign up?

*By today's exchange rate.




5. NC-17 magnesium pedals.


Come on you fuckin' jerks, you couldn't get 'em down to 290 even? Seriously? Couldn't you take out four pins, or shave the ends down a little bit more? What the fuck is wrong with you fucks? Were you even trying? We're NC-fuckin'-17, not PG-13. You're all fuckin' pathetic and you're all fuckin' fired.

Oh wait, there was a fly on the scale. Good job everyone!



6. Wellgo plastic pedals


Light, cheap, good-looking. Pick two. The first two. (Incidentally, putting a plastic pedal on a scale seems particularly stupid. I mean, it's a plastic pedal. Unless the spindle is made out of lead, how heavy can a plastic pedal be?) Don't they look like the same shitty plastic pedals that have come on $120 completes since the beginning of time. Well, since the '80s at least.

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36 comments:

Anonymous said...

i could have went for some Painkiller right now...

aloex said...

Love you guy! (not that gay kind of love...)

you can already read most of the articles auf Englisch mein Freund. You just have to click the orange link under the Deutsch.

Guy thanks for saying that what I am thinking realy often...

greats from Deuschtland - where Hindenburg was not only an airship, he was one of the most important politicans.

Russ said...

I actually saw the English links but didn't click on them. Hopefully I didn't say any of the same stuff you did. If I did, pure coincidence. (I took German in high school and college, but it's rustier than a raw bike in Seattle.)

Stephen said...

I feel like bottom bracket spacer customization is a wildly under appreciated art. I milled mine out and painted a replica of the Sistine Chapel's ceiling on it. Looks good, but the oil based paint I used added 4 grams. To compensate, I shaved the inside of my tires.

james said...

those slim Auschwitz Bars will have a yellow star sticker and are welded in a 100% argon gas chamber to stop air contamination on the weld

also coming soon are the anne frank pedals, which can almost survive an entire war ....

Stephen said...

if you can find a pair!

Anonymous said...

super-slim Auschwitz Bars. fuckin brutal. haha.

Russ said...

If there's anything missing in BMX, it's tasteless concentration camp humor.

aloex said...

i am more positive in writing but we share the same opinion. i like weightsaving but it needs sense... hell yeah do your thing - i like it.

bobby p said...

more concentration camp humor...haha. i thought the blog had gotten a little stale as of late. glad you can spice it up a bit.

do any companies make any brakes that work well on the front anymore??

Anonymous said...

anyone know if it says when that tree hub comes out? I want.

gs said...

Crankbite macht frei.

rich said...

james, i hope no jews come on here and read your comment... and stephen, why not just not run grips to save weight?

Joey said...

Stoked on Night Crawler.

Jeremy said...

some of the best. auschwitz bars? too good. keep it up man

gsport george said...

Maybe you should have checked the english translation would have given you more to go on...
The hubs get the weight that low by not having conventional rolling element bearings.

The Hindenburg crash may have resulted in 36 deaths, but as percentage of those on board it probably beats most modern airline crashes. Solar powered hydrogen airships which never land, riding the jet stream would be a great way to move good around the world quickly and with much less pollution, but because somebody decided to dope the fabric of the Hindenburg with what was virtually rocket fuel we have a hysterical attitude to hydrogen for lighter than air flight...

DBZ said...

George, you really need to get rolling with your whole airship transport idea--I find myself talking about it all the time when fuel conversations come up.

Come on, I know you've got some solid patent writers at Odyssey.

james said...

sorry about the cheap lulz,

guess its easier to make jokes at something so horrific as its impossible to understand?

Anonymous said...

9/11 was russ' fault

Anonymous said...

bobby p... fly suelo fronts

Brett Rohlfing said...

oh G-sport, how i love thee.
I'd fly in a G-airship any day.

G said...

I love this site more and more every day

jeff said...

When I started riding I had plastic pedals and I wore down the grip on them so I put the smallest screws I could find through them.

I guess I hadn't caught onto what common sense is. I did fast though.

Anyways, I promised never to have plastic pedals again after that. I just got some new JC's in mag. Super cheap with my discount. :D

Anonymous said...

"Hey look everybody, I'm a faggot!"

G.S.GUCCILIFE said...

Russ,you forgot the ZYKLON BB.....

Anonymous said...

that anne frank comment. jesus christ that was sharp. ashamed to say it made me laugh.... not to mention hindenberg is sometimes placed alongside neville chamberlain in hisotry as being one of the people that could have prevented WW2.

is that gsport complimenting another companies hubs? seal of approval?

they look nice though.

p.s. the jetstream gets utilised by airline pilots today as well, where possible. unfortunately jetstream transport is one way only.

also safely containing hyrdogen is a struggle for even modern technology.

Anonymous said...

references to things that have nothing to do with BMX is the reason the Come Up Crew hate this blog.

G.S.GUCCILIFE said...

Yeah,Russ put the brain in bmx.......

G.S.GUCCILIFE said...

OT,orry,but,does anybody know about a blue rim?i mean a solid blu,not anodized.If you know,please share...

t.f.a. said...

g.s. Demolition is doing cyan blue hoops and complete wheels.

Anonymous said...

yeh but the comeup are bunch of inbred magpies who are captivated by only that which shines.









fag

CWS said...

expendable youth

meat said...

"is that gsport complimenting another companies hubs? seal of approval?"

They run on bushings... they have no ball bearings... there is no way of expressing the epic badness of this idea.

Russ said...

And here I thought everything was ball bearings these days. Are you saying Fletch lied?

Anonymous said...

KHE Full on stole those hub ideas from Simple. I know a guy on the team and his brother told me about the blueprints apparently being sold to KHE by the Taiwanese factory owners.

aloex said...

stfu or learn something about bicycle historie. straightpull is more than 10 years old. search for pulstar hubs and than think about...