Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Trailer Park

Under the weather today and never really got it together. Can I have an Interbike hangover even though I didn't go to Interbike? Not to mention those Snafu pegs deserve another day in the sun. I suppose I should have gotten one of these.

In the meantime, if you haven't already, please watch the new S&M video trailer. And the Kink trailer. Of course neither of those can compete with this.


EDIT: Since the original GG Allin video didn't work, here's a rather fantastic extra of him being interviewed on Jerry Springer.

And heck, one more, with Jane Whitney (whoever that is). Two parts:

OK, what the hell, Morton Downey, Jr, too:

Monday, September 29, 2008

Through Orange-Colored Pegs

To paraphrase my man Big L (1:52), Snafu done done it again.

Yep. See-through pegs. Apparently these "turned heads" at Interbike, despite the fact that I don't remember seeing them amongst the hundreds of product photos taken by guys at Ride, Dig and Fat. Oh well, could have been an oversight.

Or maybe it wasn't.

Unlike the Odyssey/G-Sport Plegs, which took forever to produce properly, went through multiple compounds, and didn't reach the market until over a year after they were first shown at Interbike (in '06) and more like two years since they were first developed, Snafu chose to use "injection-molded bulletproof polycarbonate plastic". Which sounds a lot to me like what was used to make Atomlab's much-maligned and short-lived Ballistic pedals (which were great except for when it came to, um, impacts) or Standard's Masterguard.

Were they tested? Of course! Apparently "SNAFU pros Matt Bischoff and Jeremiah Smith conducted a little stress test with our new pegs using a 10-ton tour bus, and the peg won." Which is great if you plan on getting run over by a 10-ton bus, but I'm not sure how it's supposed to show you how they'll hold up to, say, grinding concrete ledges or hitting rail uprights. Oh, and McGoo posted this creepy video where he submits them to the ever-important "deep throat" and "throw them in a parking lot" tests. I'm sure this is how most products are evaluated in the real world:
"Hey Tim, did you test that aileron?"
"Yes sir. Bill sucked on it, then we threw it around the parking lot for a while. Afterwards, I ran it over with my truck. Twice! It's still perfect."
"Fantastic. Bolt in on, will you? This bird's gotta be off the ground in an hour."
I'd be curious to know whether Snafu is using their own proprietary mix of polycarbonate, and how long it took for them to get it right. Or whether they just used something developed previously by someone else, like what Odyssey used for their clear pedals. Because if you read about polycarbonate, as tough at it is, it doesn't hold up well to abrasion. And once plastic gets abraded enough, it breaks. Think of how plastic pedals fail—and how quickly, if you grind them on rough surfaces. And pedals are both thicker and have chromoly spindles supporting them all the way through. (What's doubly weird is, unless I'm mistaken, Snafu doesn't even offer plastic pedals yet—these pegs will be their first polycarbonate product.)

Even Plegs haven't been the miracle product some hoped they'd be. They're slower than steel on some surfaces, wear down awfully fast on others, and occasionally fail catastrophically. If you land at an angle on something rough, you could carve a substantial groove after just one grind. I know about that through personal experience. And despite mention of it a long while back, Odyssey/G-Sport has yet to produce Plegs in any color other than black. You'd think if translucent pegs were a good idea, Odyssey would already be making them.

Look, you don't have to like Odyssey. You don't have to run their parts. But even if you're not a fan, you have to admit that they generally provide detailed and educated explanations of everything they do, whether it be a weird fork or sammich pedals (more on those later). New products get announced, and then aren't released for months, if not years—not until they're right. And their team rides them first. (Sometimes they still need tweaking even after that. See: Wombolts.)

Does that sound like Snafu's M.O.? I'll give you a hint: NO. These pegs are supposed to be out by the middle of November, and I don't recall ever seeing them (or even hearing word one about them) before Interbike. Nor do I recall seeing them on any Snafu pro's bike checks. (Not sure who would run them anyway. Would Brad Simms ride polycarbonate pegs? Morgan Wade? Dave Mirra?) That's not to say these pegs haven't been real-world tested. Maybe they have. But the testing hasn't been very—excuse the pun—transparent.

Show me some video of someone riding them. Let me hear what team guys think after riding them for a while. Heck, send a set to this guy. Until then they're just another gimmick, the BMX equivalent of this. Or this. Or these. Or maybe they're just another hoax.

(You know it's bad when The Come Up and I more or less agree on something.)


Friday, September 26, 2008

Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas II

Yeah, yeah, so Hunter S. Thompson never wrote a sequel. Doesn't mean he shouldn't have.

More Interbike nonsense, obviously.

It's worth noting that the Stolen Pivotal post from yesterday doesn't bother me so much because it's a plastic seatpost, but because it's an ORANGE plastic seatpost. It looks like something that belongs in a roadside emergency kit, or maybe a tackle box. Yes, it will probably be both lighter and cheaper than an aluminum post. But a) how often do you replace your seatpost, and b) how heavy is a stubby aluminum Pivotal post to begin with? I suppose if you're getting your first Pivotal setup it could make sense, but...yeah, whatever.

No original product shots for you today, so I'm just gonna steal some from Dig and comment on them instead. Here's the link if you just want to see the photos. (Day One here.)

1. FBM Exodus

It's an updated version, apparently, although Dig makes no effort to point out what the updates are. However, the maroon paint and prismatic stickers make it look like a late-'70s, early-'80s BMX bike, which is never a bad thing. I always thought someone should rip off Mongoose's original 'BMX' headtube sticker.

2. Fit cruisers.

We're all getting older. It can't be helped. And as all the owners of rider-owned companies—Miron, Cielencki, Sher, Castillo, Morales—age, thoughts turn to big wheels. I'm sure I'm oversimplifying this and the real reason for all these 'street' cruisers is that market research revealed that the 24" (and 26") market is ready to take off like a rocket, but oversimplification is my bag, baby. Do NOT tell me if FBM and Metal come out with cruisers, I'm not sure whether I could handle it.

3. Eastern Bi-rectional hub

"Bi-rectional," besides being Porno of the Year for 1998, is the name of Eastern's new convertable cassette/coaster hub. Anyway, Dig took a pre-emptive shot at us blogging types out here:

This is Eastern’s bi-rectional freecoaster which can also be transformed into a cassette hub. It works awesome, but I’m sure the blogosphere will find something to bitch about anyways....

"It works awesome." Is this because someone at Eastern said so, or did Dig put it through some sort of condensed torture test? Because while I'm sure it worked great on the display bike in Vegas, and I'd like to believe it IS awesome, I can't help but think of folding Grim Reapers and improperly welded titanium cranks. Love to take your word for it fellas, but I wouldn't want to be the first one on my block with one of these. I'll hold out for V2, thanks.

(Would have also been cool to hear more about how it works. Is it really worth taking the guts out of your hub any time you want to switch between cassette and coaster?)

Also, if you get a bi-rection for more than four hours, see a doctor.

4. Macneil race frame

This is kind of awesome, actually. I'm not sure whether Macneil will be sponsoring racers or just hooking up their team riders, but I do know that it should lead to some gnarly tracks if Jay Miron is involved. Here's hoping for water-hazard doubles filled with beer and alligators.

5. Federal grips

Hey look, it's more Longneck derivatives! It's so funny. Company A picks up Rider B, who loves Longnecks. Company A wants Rider B to run THEIR grips, so they come up with a grip design that is almost-but-not-quite like Longnecks just so Rider B can still feel like he's running Longnecks even while he isn't. My question is, who the heck is left running actual Longnecks? ODI should sue everyone.

6. Unnamed Federal frame.

I know it's unnamed (and a Federal) because Dig told me:

A yet unnnamed Federal frame with low standover height, steep head angle and short back end.

Wow, gee, how stunningly original. And look at that! Drilled-out stay caps and clearance for a big tire in the back! How revolutionary! We here at SPRFLS would like to suggest some names, since Federal apparently shot their creative load coming up with the unique design:

  • The Burr
  • North Dakota
  • Generica
  • Zee Rocks
  • The Follower
  • Decimal

7. Animal cassette hub

Whenever a company enters a market that they've previously left untouched, I always wonder what team riders are supposed to do. Because it's entirely possible at this point for a rider to be sponsored by three different companies—who once never overlapped—that all make, say, seats, or handlebars. How do you decide who to rep?

In the interests of full disclosure, I saw this hub a while back but was sworn to secrecy. Not that I knew anything about it anyway. It doesn't lace weird, it doesn't have a massive female axle, it doesn't have bushings instead of bearings. About all I can tell you is that it's purple, has aluminum axle nuts, and comes with a matching hubguard. What else do you need?

I'm a little disappointed that no one took pictures of the what must be countless new Pivotal seats debuting at Interbike. UGP has something like 20 new 'designs' all by themselves. If I do go next year, perhaps that will be my mission. Since no one else has chosen to accept it.


UPDATE: Dig posted a third batch of Interbike photos with the admonition not to steal them. I feel like I'm in the legal clear since I was commenting and editorializing, but if I made someone mad, I apologize.

I won't post anything from said third batch, but I will say that the red Versa frame is gross, and that the Kink Empire Revision C is the equivalent of Dave Grohl re-naming The Foo Fighters "Nirvana Revision B." The only thing it has in common with the original Kink Empire is that it's a BMX frame made by Kink. No piercings, NO SALE. Jerks.


Thursday, September 25, 2008

Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas

Let's run through some Interbike photos, shall we? Thanks again to Jacob for sending them—his comments will appear first in quotes.

1. Kink Pivotal posts.

Here we have Kink's two varieties of seatpost—slammable, and absolutely have to be slammed. I'm sure that extra inch of aluminum is all that's keeping you from triple whips. (More importantly, note the seatpost clamps in the background. Keep hope alive!)

2. Kink ceramic headset.

Ceramic bearings are all the rage in road and mountain (and industrial applications, I'm sure). They're smoother, faster, and—of course—more expensive. This Kink version is supposed to retail for somewhere in the neighborhood of $100. Let's hope they remembered to make them correctly this time. Think this is a case of killing a fly with a grenade—does anyone's headset not spin smoothly enough? Will this help someone pull a sextuple whip or 37 barspins? Is it worth spending quadruple what a "regular" headset costs? Let me think...no.

3. KHE Centaur bar/stem combo.

Uh, the handlebar is actually a three-piece bar? Color me frightened.

“At first glance this you would think this would be a seat post clamp. but you would be wrong. It's the clamp inside the one piece bar and stem combo. Looks like a seat post clamp from 10 years ago.”

Yes it does. Words cannot express my disappointment.

4. KHE freecoaster.

"Coaster hub that you can adjust with only a allen key through the middle of the axle, allowing you to adjust on the fly for how much play you want without have take anything off the bike. Pretty sweet, but I dont ride a freecoaster hub.”

Neither do I, but having dealt with a Geisha Street for a while (two washers or three?), I can see where this would be a desireable development. Look for every other freecoaster maker out there to quickly license it if it works.

5. T-1 Cyclops stem.

Ain't gonna lie, I'm pretty happy to see an honest-to-God new T1 product. And I can appreciate stems with no bolts on the back, but a traditional four-bolt cap. Not really psyched on split caps, but oh well. At least it's not carved up all to hell and back.

6. Sunday Model D

I was going to call this Sunday's long-awaited trails frame, but I'm not sure whether people were really waiting for them. I know it has "normal" 5mm dropouts and a regular non-wave downtube. I do not know whether it has longer stays. The graphics are pretty rad, though. And you can't go wrong with olive and silver. Please make padsets.

7. Odyssey sidehack

I never understood sidehacks, even in the BMX Action days. Cool-looking bike, though. Are those...Cyclecraft bars?

8. Fly grips...er, grip?

Interesting. One grip that you can cut yourself to custom lengths. Or, if you ride a fixed with drops, buy two and cut the flanges off. I'm sure there are other uses for it, too, but this isn't that kind of website.

9. 2-Hip Groove...whatever.

“quite possibly the worst eye sore at interbike... I cant really say much more...”

And I already said enough.

10. Fit forks.

“kind of hard to see but the forks get crazy tapered down near the drop outs. dakota has been riding them and that have held up. hmmmm.”

They were displayed on the Dakota Roche frame, which I don't know anything about except that it has gussets on the top and bottom at the headtube. I'd like to see the Dakota, Eddie and DeHart frames side-by-side.

11. DK Random Wrench V2

“spoke wrench built into the top, sleeker one-peice design. with a little socket nub on the side. much nicer looking. not a bike part but something to make fixing it much easier.”

I've never had a Random Wrench—if I was carrying a camera bag anyway I didn't mind loading individual tools—but it makes sense, at least. Seems inevitable that I'll wind up with one.

12. Premium 3.3 pound frame

“sooo you make a 3.3 lbs frame and you build it up and bolt it to a stand, yet have no stand- alone frame to pick up... premium you are intelligent! so the tubes are double butted and drawn in a special way. then heat treated for 3.5 times longer than normal frames. haro guy said it would shatter before it bent... so you have that to look forward to!”

I'm not sure whether I need to add anything to that, other than the low standover is disgusting and the "Strawberry" toptube integrated seatclamp may be worse.

13. Stolen Pivotal post.

“more plastic! excuse me thermalite...”

I'm genuinely torn. On the one hand, if you're going to just slam your post anyway, there's no reason it shouldn't be made of plastic or wood or cardboard or whatever. On the other hand, is it really necessary? I vote HELL no. How heavy can one of those stubby little aluminum bits be? Now, if it was a plastique post, that would be a different story. I could get behind that.

14. Haro Freestyler

My friend Ian sent me this one. While the double top tube and graphics look spot-on, and the black mags are appropriate enough, I always hate the generic three-piece cranks and padded seats that appear on these throwback bikes. Not to mention the pseudo Gower Power sprocket and all-black tires. Bikes like this just end up looking like a mish-mash of styles from different eras and aren't particularly good for anything, except preying on the nostalgia-blinded. Why not do it right?


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Viva Las Vegas

Can I just say I found it quite funny that, in the first segment of the first day of Interbike videos on RIDE, the first product introduced was a fixed gear complete? Apparently Subrosa will be joining Volume and FBM in the fixed gear market. Which is all well and good, 'cause company owners gotta eat, and one would presume the margins are better on big-wheeled bikes. That said, the first product shown? Come on.

What else did we learn from the first-day videos? (Hopefully I'll get photos of some of this stuff for tomorrow—at which point I'll be happy to discuss it all further):

  • Fit is making plastic pedals.
  • They're also giving Dakota Roche a signature frame (which makes...six signature frames? Seven including the Lurch?)
  • Sunday will be offering a cruiser frame and fork. (They're not alone—WTP and Subrosa already had cruisers in their respective lines, and Macneil will be offering a rather lovely complete 26" looptail cruiser straight out of 1981.)
  • Sunday has also added a trails frame, which will be waveless and feature "normal" 5mm dropouts. If it's lighter, I guarantee people will be riding it as a street frame.
  • Aside from the fixed gear, Subrosa will be offering a Kryptonite-esque chain lock. Oh yeah, they'll also be making some BMX bikes and stuff.
  • The 2-Hip Anniversary Pork is just plain crazy (and Ron uses all-caps more than I do, damn). I'm not quite sure who's going to buy it.
  • Although I guess retro is in, as Subrosa is doing that bashguard bike as well as a mag-wheeled 20", Haro is offering an update of the original '82 Freestyler, and Sunday's Second Wave colors are based on bikes from Haro's '87 line.

Lots of colors now, too. Almost too many. In fact, it reminds me of the days immediately before the dark days, when damn near every mailorder part listing was followed by the cryptic notation "R-B-Y-BK-W-O-L-GR-GY-BB." (That specific string was for Tuff Wheels in July 1987, by the way.)

Anyways, there will be much more tomorrow. I'm not sure whether I'd be way more on top of things if I was there or not. Maybe the exact opposite.


I'm kind of hoping someone spots a worse complete than this, but at the same time I'm not sure whether I could handle it. Meet the Bully Impulse:

I mean, seriously, why even bother? Other than the tiny gearing and the small dropouts, this thing looks like a time traveller from 1998. It's even got the chainstay dimple for a 44-tooth sprocket (and what looks like a 65-degree headtube). I almost wish I had a kid so I could not buy him this.


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Flat of the Land

This past weekend I did two things that I haven't done in quite some time. Number one, I took photos of bike riding. Number two, I updated my other, lesser-known blog. (I also went to a party that was headlined by Fucked Up, but the less that's said about that, the better.)

The aforementioned bike riding took place at a flatland jam held at Tompkins Square Park, which meant lots of zero-sweep bars, zero-offset forks, tiny frames, and tinier sprockets. There were some of the tallest seatposts seen since Gary Ellis retired, real live Peregrine Super Pros, and the occasional Gyro. There were X-frames, low frames, even one drilled-out frame. Lots of eight-piece bars. And the most four-pegged bikes outside of an Animal video.

The most spectacular bike belonged to a guy wearing a hand-lettered t-shirt that proclaimed him to be the BEST RIDER IN THE WORLD. His frequent whopper (read: bunnyhop whip) attempts had tweaked his half-black, half-green KHE frame to the point where his bike appeared to be passing out.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share some photos of what flatland machines look like these days. Just in case you haven't been keeping track.


Monday, September 22, 2008

We The People Against Seatpost Clamps

You know, I never set out to be the person who saved the seatpost clamp. But the more I see where BMX frames are headed, I think someone needs to take up that mantle, no matter how heavy. I present for your consideration, the upcoming Max Gaertig // Mike Brennan signature frame from We The People. It's going to be long, it's going to be light, and it's going to require an Animal Wedge post:

The reason given is that hey, Max and Mike both ride for Animal, and Animal makes the wedge post, so why not build a frame specifically designed around said post? (This is sort of like designing an entire car around a specific stereo, or planning an outfit around your socks.) This might make sense if WTP was making custom frames for Max and Mike. Not so much when it's meant for mass consumption. The wedge post is a cool option for some—making it a requirement just seems short-sighted and dictatorial. I'm sure the extra half-inch of seat tube that would have been required to run a seatpost clamp would have been heavy and ugly, but providing options is never a bad thing. Is it?

I will give WTP this: they're one of the first companies to make drilled-out stay caps look cool. In the renderings, at least (nice shadows and reflections, fellas). Dropouts appear to be merging with the stays, which isn't a bad thing—more on that tomorrow. It'll be interesting to see what they look like in real life. Now just extend the seattube, and it might actually be a cool frame.


Looks like we'll have a correspondent shooting at Interbike this week. Psyched. Thank you, Jacob.


Friday, September 19, 2008

I'll Be Back...

...on Monday.

I've spent the past week looking forward to punching the new 3.3 pound Premium trials frame right where its balls would be if it had any. Are we not men? Jesus fucking hopped-up Christ. Is doing tailwhips that important now? Does everyone have to be able to do them within six months of learning to pedal? Isn't the fun of riding in the journey, not the destination? If a four-pound frame is too heavy, maybe take up a less-strenuous activity, like hairdressing or Sudoku. This is all going to end badly. I can feel it.


By request:

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Black Sabbatical

Hey, sorry about yesterday.

But honestly, I think I just needed the break. Furthermore, I'm gonna take a few more days as well. This is not the end—heck, maybe I'll be back tomorrow—but I want to take a little time to re-group. Maybe I'll be re-energized by some of the dumb stuff that starts leaking out before Interbike (which I will not be attending for a record-breaking 37th straight year). In fact, I'm sure I will be. Right now I just don't have all that much to say.

A heartfelt thanks to all who read and comment on the regular, you're the ones who make SPRFLS, well, not entirely superfluous.


Friday, September 12, 2008

Bespoke Wrenched

If Whole Foods sold BMX bikes, they'd definitely sell the Svevo Bespoke (recently named the best BMX bike at Eurobike 08):

And all along I thought "Svevo" was an Ikea bookshelf. Here's what they say about it on their website:

"The Svevo Bespoke represents the new generation of street bmx bikes. Ultralight (9,0 kg), brakeless and pegless. For riders who love the flow. No compromises. Svevo frames are designed with simplicity and lightness in mind. The carefully selected bmx specific tubing is filletbrazed by hand in Germany. The extra thickness of the fillet provides strength, and its smooth contour distributes stresses evenly. No external gussets are needed. With the integrated pivotal seatpost this creates a perfectly clean look. Modern graphics add extra style.

Svevo customers can specify the geometry, the color, and the components to create their dream bike."

Wonderful. I'm surprised that they don't point out that it's organic and fat-free, too. (As shown, it weighs 19.5 pounds complete.) Apparently the "new generation of street bmx bikes" are going to be really light, really stylish and really fucking expensive. And sprinkled liberally with titanium and bullshit. "Modern graphics add extra style?" All in all, this doesn't give me much hope for the new generation of street bmxers. Alex Liiv, beware.

(I wonder how far the "dream bike" thing can be taken? What if I want a 23" toptube, 79 degree headtube, 64 degree seattube, an American bottom bracket and the ability to run a regular seatpost AND a seatpost clamp? Or a brazed STA replica complete with gusset? I suppose I could e-mail and find out, but I guess I'm not that interested.)

It's worth noting that fillet brazing is a time-tested method of frame construction that utilizes a metal such as brass to join tubes. Since brass has a lower melting point than steel, the strength of the steel tubing is never compromised—and you can use thinner-gauge tubing as a result. At least that's how I read it. Schwinn used it on some road frames from 1938 to 1978, nowadays it's a technique that's primarily used by boutique framebuilders. It's more or less obsolete for mass-produced bikes since it's labor intensive and the art of welding has improved greatly over the years. A bit of an odd way to build a "street" BMX frame, if you believe what's said here. Since we seem intent on going backwards, epoxied lugs can't be far behind. Ahead. Whatever. I'll be curious to see how Svevos hold up to actual street riding, provided anyone I know buys one. Because I gotta imagine they're gonna be expensive.

But I guess it's an image that Svevo is cultivating: Luxury customs. A bit silly for a product meant to be smashed into rails and ditched between doubles, but whatever. You know what bespoke means, right? It's a word normally associated with $300,000 cars and $8,000 suits and $2,500 pairs of shoes. It's a word for people who are above the banality of buying something that's already been produced. How trite. How utterly common. It's nothing I thought I'd see with BMX bikes.

Although I suppose in a world where you can throw down absurd sums of money for personalized Nikes or custom jeans, I should have seen this coming. Sure you can get something just as good off the rack, but what fun is that? This way you can be unique—just like everybody else.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to measure my inseam.


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Future Shock

Not sure whether you heard, but Eurobike or whatever the heck it's called happened recently. New products galore. Basically it's kind of like Interbike, just with more Europeans. Or, given the weakness of the dollar, maybe just fewer Americans. Certainly fewer Wayne Newtons.

Anyway, you can check out a bunch of product photos here (via Pijin) and read about them if you sprechen Deutsch. If you don't feel like clicking, here's a few highlights with my usual kneejerk (emphasis on jerk) opinions:

1. KHE Astral hubs.

We're just getting closer and closer to BMX parts being sold in baggies and priced by the gram, aren't we? I can't believe I ridiculed Alienation for listing their stuff by "street value." It's really happening! Anyway, another "you can only lace it the way we want you to" straight-pull front hub, and a bizarre Frankenstein cassette that looks like it should have rough stitches separating the left side from the right. I assume 452 grams is light for a pair of hubs—I'm glad I don't know how light. (Also, either that front hub has a REALLY long axle, or it's just happy to see me.)

2. Éclat brake

I don't know about the brake, but that scale is freaking awesome. You can weigh your coke on it, then cut and snort it right off the same surface! A mirrored scale! Man, I really want one. It's gotta be Japanese, right? Only they would come up with something so cool. Or Swiss. Maybe it's Swiss. Wait, what were we talking about?

3. Illegal BB

Let's face it—if you don't have a super-trick, machined-out tube spacer in your bottom bracket, you should probably just sell your bike and take up knitting. Then again, who's gonna buy a bike that doesn't have a super-trick, machined-out tube spacer in the bottom bracket? Man, you're fucked.

4. KHE Hindenburg Titanium cranks

I realize that KHE's cranks have been named Hindenburgs for a long time. That said, naming a super-expensive, super-lightweight part after an airship that blew up spectacularly (killing 36 people in the process) seems like it's inviting, um, disaster. I can't wait until they release the super-slim Auschwitz Bars.

5. KHE Spectre

One-piece bar/stem combo? Check.
One piece seat/post? Check.
Folding tires? Check.
Titanium cranks? Check.
Plastic BB "bearings"? Check.
Super low-slung frame? Check.
$2,242 price tag?* Check.

Wow, where do I sign up?

*By today's exchange rate.

5. NC-17 magnesium pedals.

Come on you fuckin' jerks, you couldn't get 'em down to 290 even? Seriously? Couldn't you take out four pins, or shave the ends down a little bit more? What the fuck is wrong with you fucks? Were you even trying? We're NC-fuckin'-17, not PG-13. You're all fuckin' pathetic and you're all fuckin' fired.

Oh wait, there was a fly on the scale. Good job everyone!

6. Wellgo plastic pedals

Light, cheap, good-looking. Pick two. The first two. (Incidentally, putting a plastic pedal on a scale seems particularly stupid. I mean, it's a plastic pedal. Unless the spindle is made out of lead, how heavy can a plastic pedal be?) Don't they look like the same shitty plastic pedals that have come on $120 completes since the beginning of time. Well, since the '80s at least.