Future Shock

Not sure whether you heard, but Eurobike or whatever the heck it's called happened recently. New products galore. Basically it's kind of like Interbike, just with more Europeans. Or, given the weakness of the dollar, maybe just fewer Americans. Certainly fewer Wayne Newtons.

Anyway, you can check out a bunch of product photos here (via Pijin) and read about them if you sprechen Deutsch. If you don't feel like clicking, here's a few highlights with my usual kneejerk (emphasis on jerk) opinions:


1. KHE Astral hubs.



We're just getting closer and closer to BMX parts being sold in baggies and priced by the gram, aren't we? I can't believe I ridiculed Alienation for listing their stuff by "street value." It's really happening! Anyway, another "you can only lace it the way we want you to" straight-pull front hub, and a bizarre Frankenstein cassette that looks like it should have rough stitches separating the left side from the right. I assume 452 grams is light for a pair of hubs—I'm glad I don't know how light. (Also, either that front hub has a REALLY long axle, or it's just happy to see me.)



2. Éclat brake


I don't know about the brake, but that scale is freaking awesome. You can weigh your coke on it, then cut and snort it right off the same surface! A mirrored scale! Man, I really want one. It's gotta be Japanese, right? Only they would come up with something so cool. Or Swiss. Maybe it's Swiss. Wait, what were we talking about?


3. Illegal BB

Let's face it—if you don't have a super-trick, machined-out tube spacer in your bottom bracket, you should probably just sell your bike and take up knitting. Then again, who's gonna buy a bike that doesn't have a super-trick, machined-out tube spacer in the bottom bracket? Man, you're fucked.



4. KHE Hindenburg Titanium cranks


I realize that KHE's cranks have been named Hindenburgs for a long time. That said, naming a super-expensive, super-lightweight part after an airship that blew up spectacularly (killing 36 people in the process) seems like it's inviting, um, disaster. I can't wait until they release the super-slim Auschwitz Bars.



5. KHE Spectre


One-piece bar/stem combo? Check.
One piece seat/post? Check.
Folding tires? Check.
Titanium cranks? Check.
Plastic BB "bearings"? Check.
Super low-slung frame? Check.
$2,242 price tag?* Check.

Wow, where do I sign up?

*By today's exchange rate.



5. NC-17 magnesium pedals.


Come on you fuckin' jerks, you couldn't get 'em down to 290 even? Seriously? Couldn't you take out four pins, or shave the ends down a little bit more? What the fuck is wrong with you fucks? Were you even trying? We're NC-fuckin'-17, not PG-13. You're all fuckin' pathetic and you're all fuckin' fired.

Oh wait, there was a fly on the scale. Good job everyone!



6. Wellgo plastic pedals


Light, cheap, good-looking. Pick two. The first two. (Incidentally, putting a plastic pedal on a scale seems particularly stupid. I mean, it's a plastic pedal. Unless the spindle is made out of lead, how heavy can a plastic pedal be?) Don't they look like the same shitty plastic pedals that have come on $120 completes since the beginning of time. Well, since the '80s at least.

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