Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Vicious Acts of Tierraism

Liam Fahy-Hampton, Ride cover subject and scooterer extraordinaire (news flash: bikes have chains) just got a signature frame from Colony. The "Hell Stallion" has generic tattoo flash graphics that make Norman Collins cry and the following specs:

Full Post Heat Treated Colonized CrMo
TT sizes - 20.85 or 21.25″
HT - 75.5 degrees
ST - 71 degrees
CS - 13.75″
ST height - 7″
Weight - 4.8lbs


It's a long flatland frame, more or less. Another generic tailwhip machine with a steep headtube (75 degrees isn't steep enough?), low toptube, short rear, and sub-5 pound weight. Terrific. Figure out what tricks you do most, and then design a frame to make them easier. Fahy-Hampton is talented enough to do what he does on a "normal" frame (as is someone like Kevin Porter, who after all, rode for Standard before getting on Fly), but instead he rides this specialized contraption.

The Tierraists have already won.


(I love frames with no mounts and holes for Gyro tabs.)


The worst offender in this regard, of course, is Blackeye's Cory Jarman, whose signature frame, the Killorado (why do all these frame names sound like W.A.S.P. songs?) is an abomination against everything ever. It looks like a stripped-down girls bike from Toys R Us. I know he does 180 whips down stairs, but it's ridiculous for the same reason it would be if someone hit 2,000 home runs while using a special aluminum/carbon bat. I hesitate to call it cheating, but it's pretty freaking lame. Would you ride this? On purpose? More than once?


You'll get your chance, as Blackeye is allegedly producing a limited run of Killorados for the general public. And by general public I mean Cory's immediate family.


(Dude, that's not impressive. Stephen Hawking could jump over your bike.)

The best part about all these squashed frames is that they're inherently weaker than a "conventional" double-diamond frame. And by "conventional" I mean "having a seat tube". The bigger the triangle, the stronger the structure. To a point, I suppose. Not to mention it would be really embarassing when you hit your cranks on your seat.

They're more or less practice bikes, something to learn a specific trick on before switching to a conventional bike. Hell, Cory's bike should be called "The Foam Pit." Watching someone ride that thing for a whole video section would be like watching them ride a tramp bike.

Regardless, I can't wait until somebody "designs" this, just with a 77 degree headtube:

38 comments:

Anonymous said...

awesome post. fuck scooters, this is bmx.

Anonymous said...

A sarcastic post about how we shouldn't have diverged from the standard Schwin Stingray back in the 70's would have been better.

Anonymous said...

my high school trigonometry teacher would fail me if he saw me riding to school on one of those frames. sine, cosine and hypotenuse for life!

Arriaga said...

Don't knock the Jad!!! Shit was LEGIT.

Russ said...

I almost name-dropped you when I posted the pic of the Jad, haha.

wade said...

Best rant yet, in my opinion.
I responded to an earlier post and said something about bikes being toys. The positive way to spin it is "tools".
I still think that you should be able to ride your bike comfortably and safely to the corner store. Which means showing a bit of seatpost and at least one brake.
Freestyle, as everyone knows, started by doing tricks on your race bike. That is, bikes were still functional for cycling. Now, much like flatland has been for a while, the bikes are "specialized" "tools". The older I get, the sillier it seems.
Indeed, my freestyle bike has come almost full circle to race bike. Complete with about seven inches of visible seatpost. Sure is comfy for the ride home.

Anonymous said...

These frames aren't the only scooters on the block. Every new school kid is rocking a scooter, and doing flatland tricks from 1991 on the streets.

The no seat post, super low, super wide handlebar thing makes bmx look like the scooter class from an AFA contest in 1987.

To each his own, but how many kids ride their bike like that because it's how they like it set up? They have no idea how they like their bike set up, because they've never tried anything but the latest fashion.

I'd rather ride a comfy bike, than a GT Zoot Scoot around town.

Russ said...

I meant scooter more in the sense of Fahy-Hampton's bike not having a drivetrain. Two front wheels, no sprocket, no chain. Which goes against the actual dictionary definition of bicycle: "a vehicle with two wheels tandem, handlebars for steering, a saddle seat, and pedals by which it is propelled."

Agreed that setup too often dictates style, rather than the other way around.

tim said...

Not to mention it would be really embarassing when you hit your cranks on your seat.

hahahahaha.....

Anonymous said...

What's funny is that Cory Jarmon's bike doesn't even have a slammed seat on that super low slung frame.

Russ said...

You CAN'T slam the seat on that frame unless you carve it up for crank/tire clearance.

Anonymous said...

I usually agree with every rant you make, but i welcome this new trend, to an extent. The WeThePeople Lo-Fi in 21.25 is about my limit, along with the 75 degree headtube. Otherwise 23.5 inch wide bars, 4-finger high seatpost, and METAL PEGS AND PEDALS... all with a Slayer Sticker on it. NO I DON'T WANT A FUCKING COOKIE

brien said...

tab holes = weight savingz

Noel said...

Yeah. Another hot tip: no valve caps or stickers & less air in your tires....

lotekrich said...

russ while I usually have views fairly online with my own I'm confused on this one. You guys sound a bit like the democrat gone conservatives that say they will go mcain if hill gets the cut. How can you want things free and fun then say running a certain setup is cheating? In order for it to be cheating wouldn't we have to be competing at something? Changing your bike around and trying out new parts/setup is half of what keeps riding fun. I love the low slung frame style and I havnt done tailwhips in years. It just feels roomier so my shins dont get as beatup on turndowns and tables. As far as headtube angles go how do you know others arnt better if you've always rode the "trendy" 74.5 haha. This shits a hobby like we all got into to escape the ones with rules right? Not trying to be harsh I really dont care what other people ride it just seems like people need to stop taking BMX too seriously.

lotekrich said...

haha I'm typing this from my phone so the grammer is pretty bad. I meant while your views are usually inline with mine.

Russ said...

I think I meant cheating more along the lines that bikes seem to be built with certain tricks in mind these days. Flatland started it, as bikes got shorter and steeper. Now the rest seem to be headed that way. Steeper headtubes for nosewheelies, shorter rear triangles to spin faster, lower toptubes for clearance. And that Jarman frame—it's barely even a BMX bike anymore. I don't know WHAT it is. It's like a foam pit with wheels.

I'm not saying we need to go the UCI route and have weight minimums and proscribed angles and measurements and stuff like that. It's just a question of what's more important—being able to do a particular trick, or having a BMX bike that's recognizable as such.

So many times you hear people talking about how they'll pull this once they get that, or that it's their headtube angle keeping them from learning something, or the stays are too long, or "fill in your own hardware-related excuse here." Which is all bullshit.

I look at radically different frames as being something of a crutch, and those who ride them wind up branded as oddities. Sure, you can do X or Y, but what the hell are you riding? Even if they're able to do the same things on a "normal" bike, they get branded as the dude on the weird bike. Have you ever heard anyone talk about Cory Jarman without bringing up his bike?

Sometimes I think it would be cooler if we all rode identical bikes all set up the same way. Then the focus would be solely on the riding. And I'd have to find a new subject.

It's 4:30 a.m., and I'm not sure how much sense I'm making.

lotekrich said...

"Sometimes I think it would be cooler if we all rode identical bikes all set up the same way."

I believe for the most part they do now don't they? Also the high seat came from being used a barsping crutch ( at least it's popularity in the mid-late 90's) so your gonna have to slam that badboy but hopefully you will have a frame with a real high top tube that hides your high seat haha. We actually had super low top tubes and steep top tubes on Basic bikes when i was a kids and then later on the Solids so it's kind of been a thing up around here. I remember being so stoked when i got a Standard Lengthy because the high top tube made my seat look lower. Damn if you do damned if you don't so fuck it. I've never heard of Corey Jarmans bike before... although i think i do remember him doing lots of difficul tailwhips in Inopias.

Coloured spokes said...

Personally i agree with rich on this,
freestyle is what we make it, sure
cory jarmans bike is ridiculously easy
to tailwhip but then again scotty cranmers bike is hyper light and adds an advantage in the same way. Also i think theres a slight misconception that liam fhay-hampton is super commited to no chain. What really happened is that he was running a freecoaster and broke it and so in the mean time he just ran a front wheel instead. Would you rather he just didnt ride while he couldnt find a new back wheel ? And also since when has sticking to the strict definition of a bicycle ever been so important ?

lotekrich said...

"Sometimes I think it would be cooler if we all rode identical bikes all set up the same way."

I believe for the most part they do now don't they?

Also the high seat came from being used a barsping crutch, ( at least it's popularity in the mid-late 90's) by your standards your gonna have to slam that badboy but hopefully you will have a frame with a real high top tube that hides your high seat haha. We actually had super low top tubes and steep top tubes on Basic bikes when i was a kids and then later on the Solids so it's kind of been a thing up around here. I remember being so stoked when i got a Standard Lengthy because the high top tube made my seat look lower. Damn if you do damned if you don't so fuck it. I've never heard of Corey Jarmans bike before... although i think i do remember him doing lots of difficul tailwhips in Inopias.

lotekrich said...

Sorry for the double post there haha... it's late here too.

Coloured spokes said...

Also i think its worth mentioning that liam fhay hampton doesnt do many tailwhips at all, in fact the only ones ive seen are oppo and regular on flat...

Russ said...

I'm not nearly as much of a stickler as this may make me out to be. It's not riding chainless that I have a problem with as much as FILMING while riding chainless—I only want to see pushing in a skate video.

And super-high seats look just as silly as slammed seats, IMO. It's weird watching something like the first Animal video now. (Although at least with a high seat you can sit down every once in a while.)

I still think of the Stricker as more or less the ideal BMX frame. Not psyched on the trials look.

Russ said...

And to address an earlier comment, I do not condone a return to Schwinn Stingrays and apehanger bars. Although it would be interesting to see what could be done on one.

Coloured spokes said...

So people can ride whatever they want
so long as you dont have to see it ?
As far as im concerned if Hampton can
ride as good as he does and enjoy
riding as much as he does without a chain
then i dont have any issues...

If you want to talk about what you cant
stand seeing then personally i cant
stand watching riders with rattling
chains or edits of street riders doing
100 feeble to 180's or 1000's of
double pegs down rails which are almost
identical to each other.

But i can deal with it because as far
as im concerned bmx, like life is essentially
a rainbow and if you cut all the colours
out all you've got is a rainy ass
day.

Also if you want to talk about bmx
segregating itself through strange
bikes made for specific purposes how
do you describe pegs ?

Russ said...

Pegs are grandfathered in. Blame Skyway for those. At least standing platforms died out.

Agreed that nibbly street edits can be annoying, but a bike you have to push isn't even a bike. It's a scooter. (And it's not like I'm adhering to a strict definition—Merriam-Webster doesn't even mention brakes. Just bars, seat, two wheels, pedal-powered.) I'm not calling for death to individuality, I just don't like squashed frames very much.

Coloured spokes said...

fine, bmx is fueled by consumer demand. You dont wan't those sorts of frames then don't buy them, you dont want to see chainless bikes, then dont ride them. Personally i got a subrosa not long ago and its been my favorite frame so far...

Anonymous said...

That colony frame looks well nice!

Anonymous said...

"...although i think i do remember him doing lots of difficul tailwhips in Inopias."

Was the hard part the Inopias ?

chris c said...

I am pretty sure KP rode for solid not standard, doesnt take away any of that credibility. and all of colony's headtubes are probably machined by one manufacturer with the same design, hence gyro tabs.

whatever. i like the blog. i look forward to when people start raising their seatposts to be more like flatlanders! fuck the one fist rule, its all about the new one femur rule!

Stephen said...

KP rode for Standard.

Back when he was thugish ruggish.

Chainless is gay as fuck. The Jarman frame looks like someone is trying to polish a turd. I don't like this "mod this and mod that" shit that we see. BMX is about overcoming obstacles. Figure out a way to get your frame whipped around. Get stronger, go faster. If Joe Johnson can do a tailwhip on this http://www.23mag.com/events/afa/a88r6jj.jpg well...

BMX has some soul searching to do.

Boston George said...

i wanna ride that killarado frame just to see whats up with it and how fast i could snap it.

i bet it would be great for flat landing...but not for street.

i wouldnt buy it as my main ride...but a second bike to fuck around on.

like russ said. "a foam pit bike" or something along those lines...im fucking wooped from riding and they tylenol pm isnt helping so god knows if this makes anysense

Anonymous said...

Joe Johnson could do tailwhips on a GT Pro Tour and the Killorado, Cory Jarmon could do tailwhips on a Killorado and GT Pro Tour. You can't do it on either bike. The foam pit bike theory is slightly stupid. You are admittedly not good on a bike, a specific set-up isn't going to help someone who has no skill and is a pussy.

Anonymous said...

a "foam-pit" bike...

you guys do realize that we all essentially ride circus sized bikes, right?

if we were all to ride properly sized bikes, we'd be rolling on 26" wheels, slam bars and a seat that's jacked up your ass so your knees only have a slight bend when you're on the down-swing of pedaling.

though those frames you posted look ridiculous, i'm sure they'll be fun to ride for at least a little while since they do make certain tricks easier. kinda like how bmx bikes in general make tricks easier.

either way, whether you're on a "foam-pit" bike or a tradional BMX, you're still going to look like a fucking clown for riding a bike that's sized for a midget.

what BMX is really lacking is a good grasp on perspective and relativity.

Anonymous said...

not sure if it's been said but i think those "gyro tab holes" are for welding purposes, not a gyro.

Anonymous said...

I knew i'd seen something like that Jarman frame somewhere before - http://www.vintagemongoose.com/products/minigoose_team.php

SamFilmer said...

i'm really good friends with liam, he lives just around the corner. let me tell you now that liam can ride whatever the fuck he wants. he can do anything on a bike he chooses to do, and untill one of you whinging cunts put out a section like 'run at me slut', you can shut the fuck up.

seriously, its freestyle for a reason, if russ had half a brain he'd focus his criticism on something shit, not something we all do differently.

FLOW Ny said...

dude :) i love rants!

fact is bmx isnt about being awesome it isnt about having the best bike out there!

bmx is souly about having fun. cory jarman can get super tech, look at another season rider (RIP SEASON BIKES) troy merkle. come on he rides for so many companies now he rides a freakin 20" frame. low profile. four pegs n high seat super small bars... k? is that to your liking? prolly not bro. thats the beauty of bmx. you can be indiviadually happy. i like big bars med frame lenght freecoaster n 22/9 gearing?! ya 22/9 i love getting techy


fact is skateboarding everyone rides what looks to be the same thing. bmx there is so much u can do with a freaking bike... it makes it nice to see how people ride.

ya some bikes are low profile. but that looses alot of backwheel work
frames-
shorter = less control but faster
longer= more hop n control - slow

bars-
small = barspins quick spins
big = smooth style more control

these two alone make a hugh diff

brankes/stem lenght/pedals/pegs/lhd-rhd
EVERYTHING bmx is about having fun n now we can be comfortable with our bikes and its an amzing feeling knowing you can get your bike to fit you perfect. all apects. hell they even make bars with like from 9- 14 backsweep thats a HUGE comfortable difference...

just deal with it bmx is becoming a larger sport. and needs to make sure people cna be themselves. we need people to enjoi light bikes heavy bikes short long ugly fresh haggard polkadots it doesnt matter... so is sean burns not a bmx rider? becuase his bikes pretty fuckign haggard to me? he still can throw any of us in the garbage can lol fact is bmx has evolved to the point its VERYY Detailed. and its nice im happy with my setup i couldnt imagine myselfwith small bars again... EVER