1. When shooting a photo of your prototype super-high, super-tall, two-piece bars for your new company's official blog, you should focus on:
a) the welds
b) the logo
c) the ginormous crossbar
d) the rise
e) nothing, focusing is gay
2. Apparently a chopper company decided to convert a bunch of old Primo Tenderizers into limited edition (ha) innovative (HA!) motorcycle footpegs. The first question that comes to mind when looking at them is:
a) "Who in their right mind would buy those?"
b) "Wouldn't PCs have been a lot lighter?"
c) "Do they come in any limited edition colors?"
d) "Will Orange County Choppers build a BMX-themed bike now?"
e) "Wonder what sucker Primo will find to buy all their leftover Hula Hoops?"
3. This product was manufactured when, and for what purpose?
a) in 1985, to keep your front brake bolt from tearing your Vans on tailwhips
b) in 1989 to keep your front brake bolt from tearing your Dynos on pinky squeaks
c) in 2008, to keep your fork crown from ruining your Coastals's dye job on footjams
4. This highly functional seatstay brace decorates whose signature frame?
a) Eric B.
c) Donald Trump
d) Jason Enns
e) This guy.
5. This shirt tells casual observers that:
a) You disassembled and painted your bike at an American Apparel, then stole the evidence.
b) Riding brakeless may cause your bike to explode.
c) It's Halloween, and you're dressed as a Dan's catalog.
d) "The four-cross pattern is ideal for evenly spreading any loads evenly over the sprocket itself in the event of an impact."*
e) Magazine publishers should stick to publishing magazines.
* Shockingly enough, when I re-checked the Federal website, they had fixed the copy, removing the first "evenly." Dare I take credit?