Friday, July 18, 2008

Stay Flat

Since there was some mention of flatland in the comments yesterday, and since I haven't done a quiz in a while, AND since it's Friday, I suppose there's only one thing to do:

FLATLAND QUIZ!

Don't everyone get excited at once.




1. What are these?




a) CNCed weapons for a futuristic Renaissance Faire.

b) Pizza slicers for those who like perforated slices.

c) Crankarms and sprockets.

d) Gardening implements.



2. What is this?



a) Part of a prosthetic leg.

b) A piece of jewelry from the Blade Runner straightedge collection.

c) A stem.

d) Wall E's appendix.




3. The KHE RIP frame was released in limited numbers. It sold out, so they went ahead and re-released it—but not before making some improvements.


The new version, shown above, is lighter, has improved dropouts, more room for tiny sprockets, and a fluted seattube. You can read more about it here.

Those people who were fortunate enough to be able to purchase the original limited—and apparently inferior—design should feel:

a) cheated

b) angry

c) pissed off

d) foolish

e) all of the above




4. Global-flat.com is your one-stop resource to compare products from every flatland brand under the sun, most of which you've probably never heard of. Like these wonderful Chimera bars (way to line up those holes, fellas):


Without looking, they showcase how many styles of handlebar?


a) 27

b) 42

c) 58

d) 71

e) 87



5) Finally, test your flatland riding knowledge! Who should have won the Voodoo Jam Final? (Please watch the video first.)





a) Ucchie

b) Matt Wilhelm

c) the guy who did combos on BOTH wheels

d) Trevor Meyer

d) I have no fucking idea, flatland is gay.



EDIT: For a blatant error. Global-Flat, not an online shop. My bad.

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cool! I'm the one who requested some flat; thanks.

But I think you meant Flatland Fuel, not Global-Flat. Global-Flat is more like an information resource, they don't sell anything.

Sometimes I see dudes with bmx bikes on the street. I'll ask whether they ride flatland on it, and they won't even know what I'm talking about. Now THAT'S gay.

anonymous flat rider

Kyle I said...

Best part aboput the first guy is that his bike doesn't even look like a flatland bike. I like that.

bobby p said...

i do believe if you are a man and you are having sex with another man, or if you are a woman and having sex with another woman- that is actually what is gay. just sayin.

Chris said...

who ever won should have used the prize money to put a hit out on that announcer...

Anonymous said...

Wilhelm for the win, but their both kickass! The announcer gets points too for the tuck and roll off the stage and the snow angel. ha ha.

Anonymous said...

you silly flatlanders with your techno music...

Anonymous said...

I disown the sterotypical flatland techno music.

Bobby: agreed. Just trying to speak in the language these guys understand.

anonymous flat rider

Russ said...

I'm just reinforcing the stereotype.

Personally, I think flatland is rad. FlatlandERs, on the other hand...oh, I'm just kidding.

jeff said...

That announcer looks like he did a little too much of something. What was he thinking? I couldn't even watch the video cause he was too busy looking like he just got hit in the head really hard with something.

Russ said...

Wilhelm's runs were pretty amazing. I highly recommend the Osicka links as well (and looking up all the Osicka vids on YouTube, for that matter).

Anonymous said...

NER: "I think it's reached the point where there are more companies I'd like to see go OUT of business than STAY in business."

Anonymous said...

NER: "It seems like every company wants it that all their team riders only ride their own parts. Every company making everything doesn't seem like it'll be financially tenable in the long run, though--or even the short run. Especially with the economy headed straight down the toilet.

Things are gonna get ugly."

DBZ: "I'm psyched on things getting ugly."

NER: "Oh, me too."

Do you or don't you want the industry to fail?

Russ said...

9:56 -- I erred in my assumption of what Global-Flat was. Will edit. Thank you.

4:10 -- And? Compassion isn't my strong point. Just because you CAN start a company doesn't mean you should. And just because a company is viable for a while doesn't mean it will stay viable forever.

Russ said...

That doesn't mean I want the whole industry to fail. It DOES need to constrict, though. And trust me, it will. The question is, what companies do you want to see survive? The ones who do the best work, or the ones that are the best funded? The ones who care the most about BMX, or the ones who care the most about the bottom line? I don't know about you, whoever you are, but I'm not excited about a future BMX industry dominated by someone like Trek.

We, the consumers, the RIDERS, have the power to make that decision. How we spend, what we choose, will determine who survives and who doesn't.

Because I dislike some companies means I dislike BMX as a whole? That I want the whole industry to fail? That's one HELL of a leap. And it's not how I feel at all. I'm not a framebuilder. I couldn't make my own cassette hub. Shit, I can barely build my own wheels.

Whatever, believe what you want to believe.

And even if I wanted the industry to fail (which I DON'T), how exactly would I go about destroying it? This is a BLOG. They are my OPINIONS. I refuse to apologize for venting them.

P.S. Hiding behind "anonymous" is lame.

Anonymous said...

mydickisblue614: ...I know S&M, Fit, and Fly don't. The ones that do will eventually go out of business when the recession hits."

NER: "Which should be any day now. I can't wait."

Russ said...

You're misreading. I want the GLOBAL ECONOMY to fail, not the BMX industry.

Go back to school.

Stephen said...

I can feel the failure of bmx bubbling in the pot!

Should be ready anytime now.

People in the industry that think that SPRFLS will be their company's downfall are the same people that probably think gays getting married means that their own ass will be cock probed any minute now.

todd from albe's said...

this is an open notice to the entire BMX industry, hell, while i'm at it i'll open it to the skate industry and why not include the surf companies as well (that includes all those pseudo-surf companpies too:yeah, i'm looking straight at you Hollister): PLEASE STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF CASSETTE TAPES AND/OR BOOM BOXES (GHETTO BLASTERS TO MY INNER CITY FRIENDS) ON EVERY GODDAM THING YOU MAKE! we get it, it's ironic, haha...next.

sorry to detract from your debate, Russ. carry on...

Russ said...

Todd: No worries, that was actually more useful than anything I've said today.

Companies should get out of the "action sports" market and start selling actual boom boxes instead. I need a triple-cassette Lansonic that has nine woofers and 24-channel graphic equalizer. And a Sherpa to carry it, of course.

Hey, is Volume exempt from that directive? Given their name and all?

todd from albe's said...

okay, i will let Volume use it...and maybe Tony Hawks "BOOM BOOM" Huck Jam (as long as they stop making bicycles) and Ghetto Blaster Beer (is that just a Detroit thing?) but that's it. kinda like a couple years ago when everything had a tree/branch/roots on it but Tree Bicycle Company could get away with it. but the rest of you, STOP IT! want proof of how over done it is? flip through the BMX Plus(!) t-shirt buyers guide and count 'em.

and by the way, about this post:
Wall-E's appendix? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. awesome, i overlooked that the first time.

Russ said...

Ghetto Blaster Beer?

Seriously?

I need to Google that right NOW.

Stephen said...

my girlfriend read this and she said that she feels the same way about the over use of birds on shirts and whatever else people can put them on.

that is why, she says, she have moved on to liking beavers and sea horses.

Russ said...

I think I need to do a line of SPRFLS shirts:

One would have no logo, but have tons of holes cut in it and the tiniest sleeves possible.

Another would bite the Slayer logo (no one's ever done that!) with an inverted Tuff Wheel as the pentagram.

One would just be covered in SKULLS AND CROWS AND BLOOD AND DEMONS AND BULLETS AND FUCKING EVIL SHIT, MAN.

And yet another would be a boombox in a tree with a bird sitting on it.

t.f.a. said...

http://www.motorcitybeer.com

Russ said...

Yeah, I Googled it. So rad.

If I order something, send me a bottle!

wade said...

I would love the global economy and the BMX industry to fail. But I need to stock up on some backup parts first, so I'd need some notice.
I'll take a inverted tuff-o-gram t-shirt in medium. On a 3/4 sleeve black and white baseball shirt like my old Albe's Tans-Am shirt.
(Which Todd gave me in Chicago at a BS contest after Steve Roy introduced us.)

todd from albe's said...

will do.
and in reference to your t-shirt idea, sorta. while discussing the overboard hardcore/evil thing a couple days ago and i asked everyone here to come up with the toughest/evil-est, pissed off-est band name they could think of. they all conceded when i announced that my band would be called "Christ-punch Finger Fuck". but you gotta say it with an attitude for full effect. any other ideas?

G.S.GUCCILIFE said...

RUss,no logo!Make it a a simple "SPRFLS"(chest area,leaning letters)It may remind you of that "INFMS"skate company,but,you know,we goin global...

Anonymous said...

don't forget: skulls, snakes, lightening bolts, and some revolvers.

Stephen said...

Oh...and my quiz answers...

1. Spurs
2. X games 5th place medal
3. Who buys limited edition frames?
4. 43
5. Brian Huffman

Jeff said...

I think the most hardcore name for a band would be just white noise coming from a TV turned up full while there is a trailer park fight in the background, and an elephant vs. lion battle while crashing into the movies Rambo and Broken Arrow. Not the name, but that's how it would sound when you said it. Pretty freaking hardcore if you ask me. Oh, and the first song from the 15 minute promo of Tomorrow We Work would have to also be playing.

Add all those sounds together and you have the perfect band name.

Shea said...

why would you give a shit if they re-vamped it a bit and re-released it?

Shea said...

Why would you want the economy to fail. Failed economies = wars for markets and mass population annihilation.

You may think it's kool to mouth off against 'the man' and 'the system', but you'd need to be providing some alternatives or something (anything!) constructive to be productive/useful/positive etc.

Also the market never lies those firms that are providing the best quality to cost ratio or 'brand experience' will thrive, no matter what the competition.

ps 2hip's Matt Wakefield, one of the finest to ever pick up a 20" has recently started riding those Snafu forks you commented on. It will be interesting to see if they hold up to him. If they do they'll hold up to anyone.

standard63bmxer said...

Morgan Wade has been riding those forks, I think that's proof enough already. That said, I still won't ever ride anything other than Odyssey forks. Riders forget/don't know how much they stepped the BMX "component" game up and had other companies scrambling for years to catch up. They're still not caught up. 41Thermal for life, son. There's a reason Odyssey has some fanatical followers.

Also, learn some reading comprehension.

Anonymous said...

This might totally kill whatever flatland cred I ever had (I'll be forced to give up my stash of graveyard sprockets), but Ucchie deserved to win for the same reason it's boring to watch modern park competitions. As amazing and impressive as Matt's skills and tricks are, it's just so crazy and fast that it's hard to comprehend what's going on at times. Ucchie just kind of flowed around and while fast, but not as fast Matt, just made his links look effortless.

It's like the difference between watching Aitken and Dhers/Spinner/etc ride.

I haven't followed flat much since I started riding mostly street but it's great to see an entire run of backwheel tricks than the nonstop frontwheel barflipping stuff from a couple years ago.

Russ said...

I just liked that Matt did links on both wheels. I'll admit to being not exactly up on modern flat, but I'd think that would be important. Maybe not.

Shea said...

standard63bmxer if you'd like to point out why you think I need to learn some reading comprehension, I'll gladly point out why you're wrong.

Anonymous said...

"Riders forget/don't know how much they stepped the BMX "component" game up and had other companies scrambling for years to catch up. They're still not caught up. 41Thermal for life, son. There's a reason Odyssey has some fanatical followers."

I'm curious how a fork made at the same place as Fit Blade, Colony, United and almost every other aftermarket fork, with the same materials, same machines and THE SAME heat-treating is so much better? You think they send the Odyssey forks to a different heat-treater? They are all sub-contracted to the same place.

Shea said...

cue post from indignant odyssey employee