• 2003 (?) Apple iBook G4 • Airport Extreme card • Iomega 250 gig (I think) external drive • HP Deskjet D4160 color printer • MODS: Stickers all over top, 2/3 of the letters worn off the keyboard (which is in desperate need of a cleaning). Haven't drilled any holes in it yet, but never say never. It also needs more memory badly. And a new battery.
Say hi if you see me typing in a Starbucks.
I suppose I should really have a SPRFLS sticker on there. Here. One of these days.
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CONFESSION: I was at Dah Shop today, and was really tempted to pick up a pair of those translucent Animal pedals. Either purple or charcoal. Maybe even green. Talk me out of it, please. (I've also been contemplating trying a pair of 28"x8" bars just to see what it would feel like. Gonna wind up on Intervention sooner or later.) Then again I also want a set of Animal OG pegs and a 30-tooth sprocket.
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Went to a bar last night. OK, two bars. Fine, it was three.
At the last stop of the night, the bartender turned off the jukebox in the middle of Motörhead's "(We Are) The Road Crew" in order to play some horrible '80s pop from (presumably) her iPod. Unforgivable. What made it worse was I actually had three more songs lined up in the juke after that (Metallica's "Disposable Heroes," Ozzy's "Suicide Solution" and something else). I briefly considered taking action, but fuck it, it was 3 a.m. Instead I just finished my PBR and rode 30 blocks home in the pouring rain. My seat should be dry by Christmas.
Anyway, at the second bar (Iggy's on Ludlow), I heard this for the first time in a while, so I had to find it on YouTube. Damn song still gives me chills:
(They actually played the OG Kim Wilde version last night, but I have to come BMX correct.)
I've never been happier to post a quiz, mainly because it gets that Odyssey slideshow thing off of my mission statement. The nerve! I suppose if I were more web-savvy, I could have found a way to run it smaller. Then again, if I were truly more web savvy, I wouldn't be using a stock Blogspot template to begin with. OK, that's enough use of the word 'savvy' for one day, I think. On with the show.
1. Yarr mateys, this be the new KHE Astern freecoaster:
Kudos for the nautical-themed name (I need to run one on me Black Pearl), but boo for coming up with a name that can be easily confused with the name of another bike company. What were the other names KHE considered?
a) Unday
b) It
c) Acneil
d) Utiny
e) BM
2. Standard's prototype topload stem has the top bearing cover for the headset built right in. With an internal headset and a fork with a built-in race, all you need is bearings.
What sort of problems does this present?
a) You can't run that cool carbon topcap.
b) You can't run your stem inverted.
c) You can't run 17 spacers with your Sky Highs.
d) All of the above.
3. This is the Primo 330 Pivotal seatpost.
Why would you ever want such a long post?
a) To use as a weapon when cornered.
b) You can keep your weed in it.
c) As a reinforcement for Grim Reapered seattubes.
d) To raise the seat on your Killorado to the height of a regular slammed seat.
e) Haha, there's no way that's a real product.
4. What is this? a) One of those things they bolt into your bones if you break one really badly.
b) A septum piercing.
c) The newest Skull Candy headphones.
d) Blue.
e) I have no idea.
5. Remember when the Fit Edwin was the only frame you could buy stock with no 990 mounts? Now seemingly every company offers a brakeless complete (with CPSC-mandated caliper brake)—even MirraTrek is joining in for '09 with one of their own. Who makes the above bit of instant street cred?
"Hey, didn't Odyssey say they'd never make a Pivotal seat?" "I don't know whether they said never. Seemed pretty unlikely, though." "Man, that's so weak." "But wait, it's a totally new base. And they offer a pre-stripped version. Kids'll be psyched on that." "Yeah, whatever. Sellouts!" "Still, the plastic ones look better than any Macneil or Animal with the padding ripped off." "Yeah, whatever. Why are you rationalizing so much? You're a sellout, too." "Look, I just can't hate on any seat with a lightning bolt on it." "SEEEEELLLLLLOOOUUUUT. How much are they paying you to say this?" "Man, it's just a Pivotal version of one of their existing designs. At least it's not another fashionably re-covered Velo. And at least they're not offering yet another re-branded stump post." "Yet." "Yeah, I'd assume they'll do a post eventually. Wouldn't want the team riders to be running another company's product." "Why do you do that all the time?" "What?" "Assume. You're wrong half the time, ya fuckin' moron." "I don't know. Old habits die hard, I guess." "You're still a moron. Well, let's see you defend the Odyssey Pivotal post. What are they gonna do to make it different from the 25 of them already out there?" "No idea. Maybe they'll put a pump in it or something." "Right. Like Odyssey would ever do something like that." "Oh well. Guess we'll just have to wait and see."
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Just in case you're wondering whether the concept for the new Fit Hawk x Empire was a new one in BMX, the answer is an emphatic no:
Hutch did it 20-odd years ago.
Still pretty cool, though.
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When I saw the photo of Joe Simon's new Cosmotron, it reminded me of something. Maybe it's just me?
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I've always loved this song.
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EDIT: Thanks to Jim Bauer for coming through with the Aerator image.
I want to like 2Hip, I really do. Ron Wilkerson obviously means well—he's been riding forever, and every year he continues to put his money where his heart is. But then he comes out with stuff like this, and I literally reel in amazement:
The "Groovetech" steering system hasn't been written up on the 2Hip site yet—no surprise, since said site seems to be updated semi-annually at best—but it did earn an article on RIDE (a glowingly positive one, no less). Sigh. Basically what we have here is a four-piece bar with an oversized, splined clamping area, a stem that is complementarily (!) splined, and a steerer tube with three notches that match up to splines on the stem. Greater engineering minds than I could probably write 50,000 words on why this is a terrible idea, but allow me to just present three or four reasons I thought of all on my own.
1. It's too obvious.
If this were truly a good idea, it would be on the market already. I have no doubt that other companies have prototyped (or at least sketched up) similar products and rejected them. No doubt whatsoever. Virtually anyone who runs three-piece cranks has wondered "hey, why don't they make splined steerer tubes?" Then someone explains why it's a bad idea, and they move on to wondering why that hot girl from Thursday never responded to their text message and whether her Myspace would be easy to find even though all they know is that her name is Heather and she lives in Brooklyn. Or was it Manhattan?
2. Some slippage is good.
Back in 1985, when Ron was airing five feet out of six-foot quarters on bikes built for 12-year-olds, slippage was bad. You had tinfoil bars held by beercan stems, and death (or at least unconsciousness) was always waiting right around the corner.
Things work better now. And even if your bars do slip, it's generally not catastrophic. You go to your bag (or someone else's) pull out the multi-tool, re-adjust, and keep trying those tailwhip flyouts. With the 2Hip setup, your bars and stem won't slip, but they WILL bend. Or crack. Or shear off. Which means instead of a simple re-adjustment, you get to go home and order new bars. Or a new stem. Or a new fork. Which brings is to the next point...
3. Compatibility.
Unless this system catches on (which it won't), you're buying a whole 2Hip front end. Good luck with that. And once this is patented, other companies would have to license the "technology" before making their own gargantuan stems and hideously ugly four-piece bars. (Can you even make two-piece bars to fit that stem? And if so what would they look like? Maybe éclat will make a converter for "regular" bars.)
4. They're ugly as sin.
Not sure whether anyone's noticed, but BMX is all about aesthetics these days. Damn kids painting their bikes to match their outfits and whatnot.
Hold on, I'm shaking my cane.
OK. Regardless, if you're gonna come out with some sort of revolutionary new product, it had better look as good as it performs. Otherwise it's just not going to catch on. And this setup, while it may have looked cool back in like '95, just isn't gonna cut it today. Like my man Jules Winnfield once said, "sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker." It's the same thing. Trust me.
I kind of hope this whole setup is just a hoax like the Lumberjack Slams. But I don't think it is.
I wanted to talk about the new éclat website today—although I meant to do it a hell of a lot earlier—so I'm going to. Worse comes to worse I'll just fudge the timestamp so it SAYS it posted on Tuesday even if writing this stretches into Wednesday. Deal with it. There were a couple things I saw on my initial runthrough that I thought deserved attention, so I'll just bulletpoint through them. Cool?
• Sean Burns is on éclat?
Seriously, Sean Burns is on éclat? This is nothing against Sean Burns—I thought his section in Dead Bang was one of the greatest video parts ever, and dude is everything that BMX should be. Still, something doesn't sit right, even if he is running a 33t sprocket these days (28t by 2012!). Burns being on éclat feels like Deicide signing with Tooth and Nail or McDonald's being an official sponsor of the Olympics.
Still, Burns being on éclat just feels wrong. If he's gonna be sponsored by a company with an accent mark, it should damn well be an umlaut. Who's he gonna pick up as his next sponsor, PETA? And the little bio on the site doesn't help, either. I quote: "In an age where tech is the flavor of the month and XXL t-shirts are a standard proponent of the BMX uniform, Sean Burns pedals fast whenever possible and squeezes into used leather jackets." Um, not sure what decade that was written in, but XXL t-shirts are only a "standard proponent" of the BMX uniform for guys who weigh 300-plus pounds, and even those guys are probably trying to squeeze into mediums these days. Might wanna edit that.
• Two-piece cranks.
Everyone seems to be making two-piece cranks today. They're the new three-piece. And éclat's, cringingly named "Tibias," seem to be a cross between Flys and Demolitions. They even have that second drilling so you can run an 18t sprocket if you're into that sort of thing.
Both arms come drilled so you can run them either LHD or RHD. And given that, I can safely assume two things—you don't have to order them specifically for either side drive, and they're not a "2.5" piece crank like Flys. I can't tell from the photo which arm is the one that comes off, but either rightys or leftys will have to take their cranks entirely apart to change sprockets, which is is one of the major downsides of two-piece cranks. And since they use a Profile-style spline interface, that seems like a lousy tradeoff just to lose one bolt. (They're 22mm, which is an advantage over Profile "race" cranks, but if I'm going to stay with the splined setup, I'd prefer to be able to replace either arm independently of the spindle.)
(Two asides—one, why hasn't Profile made a 22mm version of their cranks yet, and two, if I'm wrong about half of this stuff, I promise to explain further. Or let someone from éclat explain.)
• Front hub.
Yeesh. MEDIC!
Once again, this seems to be all the rage these days—internally-laced hubs. They look all fancy and lightweight and stuff. And the design would seem to protect the spoke better than their conventionally flanged brethren. That said, when a spoke does break (and it will), enjoy taking your entire hub apart to replace it. Do that enough times, and you'll be ready to go back to something simpler.
• Plastic pedals.
Dude. Everyone has plastic pedals. What's wrong with you? And why not get the grippiest nylon pedal on the market? I'm sure it's been independently verified. Makes you wonder why they bother making aluminum pedals at all. Other than the fact that Burns would probably rather run clipless than plastic.
• Window sticker.
Can I really find fault in a window sticker (scroll to the bottom)? Of course I can! It's just a little thing, though—when your company has been around for 47 minutes, none of your logos are "iconic." Just saying.
Oh, and when you click on the bottom bracket, the main photo that comes up is of the pedals. Might wanna fix that.
But hey, hope it all works out.
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After reading all that—or scrolling past it—you're gonna need this:
2. Streetwear company Animal designed this exclusive New Era hat specifically for the Australian market. There are only 300 of them. You can only buy one if:
In a world where every new BMX "innovation" is met at best with praise and at worst with a shrug, there needs to be a voice of dissent. SPRFLS is that voice. Make no mistake—we welcome progress, provided it actually IS progress. You are not the width of your handlebars.
Feel free to e-mail suggestions, corrections, tips or death threats to sprfls@gmail.com
Even more pointless (and sometimes entirely un-BMX-related) twittering at http://twitter.com/SPRFLS and http://twitter.com/russbengtson
