Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Cooke Ones

Maybe this will satisfy (at least temporarily) all you content-cravers out there. Well, for 15 minutes at least.

I've had this "Allan Cooke Named BMX Brand Manager at Haro" tab open on my browser for God knows how long. (No earlier than May 15th, I suppose.) It's a pretty pointless "article," because it's just the press release. In other words, EXPN doesn't even tell you whether all of Haro's riders will have to learn Cookebacks in order to stay on the team, or whether Allan will have to start dressing like an adult at some point. But I did greatly enjoy the following paragraph:
"I am very excited about the addition of this bright young talent to our BMX group" said Joe Hawk, Haro's Chief Operating Officer. "Allan brings a fresh new approach and a unique collection of skillsets; when combined with the talents of the current Product Development team, it will ensure that Haro maintains its edge as the leader in BMX for years to come."
Now, I don't know who Joe Hawk is, although that sounds like a hell of a porn name. What I do know is, in order to maintain your edge as the leader in BMX, you have to be the leader to begin with. And, unless I woke up in 1986 today, I have my doubts.


slodogg said...

nice BTTF label on this one. i feeel that

Anonymous said...

When Haro says they are the "leader" they aren't lying in terms of sales, which is what a company COO would base his assumption on.

If I recall, they sold the shit out of Mirra and Nyquist completes all through the 90s.

All the cool guy companies aren't in the same astral plane as far as number of bikes sold per year. But hey, you're the expert.

Anonymous said...

I give Haro serious props. They are taking chances with their BMX brand and I think it's good to see.

as "anon 5:30" said; "All the cool guy companies... "
This is so true, and even more reason I think it's great to see Haro taking chances. They have more to lose than any of the "cool guy companies"...

Dan said...

Listening to Mobb Deep?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

haro's newer frames have looked really good. they even have sprfls-friendly standover.

actually, it's weird how haro and diamondback are making decent looking frames these days but everyone would rather ride variations of S3s with slammed everything. fuck bmx.

ToastyBagels said...

The Odyssey/G-Sport/Sunday family IS the leader in the BMX industry in terms of product innovation and quality.

"unique collection of skillsets"? Really? This Joe Hawk sounds like he's smoking bong out of his ass. What kind of skills is he useful with to help the product development team in developing well designed and thought-out products? Dress like a clown and act like a retard just to idly amuse the development team during procastrination sessions at the water cooler?

Being a pro doesn't automatically make you a know it all in every aspect of product design,engineering, development and testing. Look at how the last 10 years of Haro have shown how any of that resulted in. NOTHING. Haro has properly innovated ZERO in the last 10 years.

All of the products in the last 10 years are all bandwagon jumping piggy backing on other brand's designed or Taiwanese clones if not gimicky useless shit compared to the few relatively rider owned companies and Odyssey have developed and innovated in the same time.

A leader? This Joe Hawk guy should have put down his bong before conducting an interview.

EvilOlivE said...

"When Haro says they are the "leader" they aren't lying in terms of sales, which is what a company COO would base his assumption on.

If I recall, they sold the shit out of Mirra and Nyquist completes all through the 90s.

All the cool guy companies aren't in the same astral plane as far as number of bikes sold per year. But hey, you're the expert."

Quoted because this is the only comment needed for this post. This has to be the worst sprfls post ever if the biggest hater in bmx cant find anything valid to hate on.

Toasty,...really? apples and oranges. haro has never claimed to be in the innovation game. their focus is to get as many kids into bmx as they can by selling affordable completes. how many kids have sunday gotten into bmx? Even one cheap complete sold by haro that gets a kid into bmx does way more good for our sport then all the scene points you can afford to buy from Odyssey.

ToastyBagels said...

"their focus is to get as many kids into bmx as they can by selling affordable completes."

My point was not hinged on this particular point of view alone. Read again what I said since you lack comprehension skills.

The way this Joe Hawk went off in a continual sputter of bullshiting implied they are the leader in all aspects of the industry. People in any consumer product industry practice statement ambiguity in their marketing spiel which is as close as it gets to disingenuous bullshitting. This is a well known fact.

It's obvious you are not smart or mature enough to see such things.

I would say Russ' premise of his blog entry is this, disingenuous marketing bullshit by your typical corporate money making BMX pro-as toilet paper business.

You milk the pros as much crap as you can with pure marketing bullshit, wipe em out, discard them out with the rest of the faeces including their shitty products. There are always disposable toilet paper in the next roll ready to be wiped with marketing bullshit so Haro can enjoy the next several years with another TP to sustain their business.

Also about the 'only haro offers affordable complete bikes kids to get ride a bike deal': Have you been sitting in a cave these past few years?

There are other rider owned companies as well (which a point I stated bsides Odyssey) that sell competitively priced bmx. Really, are you still stuck in 1986? I think you are. Because by your statements Haro is the ONLY company that sells completes to kids. You are truly the ultimate stereotype of a stuck up ignoramus - on a bong.

Beau said...

Toasty: U MAD? You are also wrong. There is nothing wrong with making money off bmx, I assume you don't only ride parts made by companies that are assuming a loss. Haro adds more than they could ever take, there are kids riding because they got a Haro, and there are pros living in big houses because of Haro. I don't see what you have to cry about here, one "TM" is making money and doesn't ride? The organizers of the X-Games don't ride and they make millions off it, and it's still good for BMX because of the exposure and access to bigger sponsorships (like Nike and Levi's, other non-bmx money vampires!). You can wipe the tears off and go ride a curb and pretend none of this is real but if BMX became what skateboarding was a few years ago it would benefit us all around.

Noel said...

Ahh, the age-old debate: are classic yet 'non-core' companies harmful or helpful? Do big industry names like Levis and Nike boost the sport by bringing in mainstream money and exposure, or are they leaches who suck what meager profits are in BMX to begin with away from the Solids, FBMs, and Mutinys of the world? Are the X Games good or evil?

Funny how every other discussion on here seems to at least allude to this issue or deal with it head-on.

Colin said...

Can we all stop pretending like we don't know Russ is a somewhat-shallow snob? It's part of his charm. As a master of brevity, the rhetorical question, and recently the re-tweet, Russ is also a gem on twitter.

But I agree with the collective sentiment here. Haro sells the shit out of BMX bikes. Alan Cooke is a goofy douchebag who doesn't represent me or my idea of riding at all. Neither does Haro. And that's the point. At the same time, when new kids roll up to the skatepark on two wheels, I ask them what they are riding but I don't really give a fuck what the answer is. It's usually Haro. Haro's the gateway drug. It's good for us in the long run.

Anonymous said...

*still has a 2001 haro mirra frame built up*

EvilOlivE said...

Toasty, I get your point that it’s the same old marketing bullshit, and your point that it’s typical marketing practice to say such things. I also understand that your points contradict each other and should leave you with no reason to be mad about it. Unless you just blindly swing off Russ’ nuts and adopt his opinions as your own. But that couldn’t be it, could it?

It’s funny how you question my reading comprehension skills but then quote something that I didn’t say or anyone else on here either. And then you went on to capitalized the fictional words that you wish I had said to try and prove a point that you completely failed to make.

Your comments are more entertaining then Russ' posts because I realize now that you're a little retarded, and that makes everything 10X funnier. Please tell me that I’m “on the bong again”, it’s too funny how you have used the same lifeline three times now.

brien said...

I've probably made this comment before, but Colin's post reminded me;

Ryan Corrigan wrote an article in one of the earlier issues of BMXAction/Faction magazine comparing bike companies to beers. Guys like Haro and GT(well, not them anymore) were like Budweiser and Coors; cheap, easily recognizable, highly marketed and widely distributed. Kids would see magazines and TV contests, and the pros at the time were on these bikes, so they would go get a $300 Haro complete and try out BMX. Eventually, they'd likely move on to "microbrew" companies like T1, Metal, FBM, etc.

Some of the rider-owned companies are making the jump to completes, which takes guys like Haro completely out of the equation IN CERTAIN INSTANCES. With so much BMX on the Internet and TV contests not nearly as big as they used to be, kids are now seeking out completes from the smaller guys. Having a top-to-bottom line of cheap completes to high-end framesets is a way for a company to bank in on consumer loyalty. The bikes are very comparable to what Haro is doing; they just don't have the distro. It's very important for these companies to seek out BMX-friendly shops and attempt to educate the shops who aren't as savvy to the market. As long as BMX stays strong and continues to grow as an industry, these smaller companies might have a chance.

Anonymous said...

Diamondback's new frame is called the BMX. I want to get one only so that when people ask me " hey what frame is that?", I could reply, "it's a the BMX."

Mike said...

This site sucks. Get over it, it's BMX. Don't you have an article about Trevor Ariza due?

Russ said...

Kink has a new $250 complete, don't they? I'd rather see a company like them, or FBM, get that entry-level dollar. To me, saying you're "maintaining your edge as the leader of BMX" doesn't just mean you're making hundreds upon hundreds of dollars selling generic mild-steel bikes to daddies whose last real memory of BMX is Ron Wilkerson doing a one-hander, one-footer on a white Sport with turquoise mags. It should mean you're actually innovating, or at least pretending to. When was the last time Haro did that?

And fuck Trevor Ariza. It's all about J.R. Smith, Kenyon Martin and the Denver Thuggets. Try and keep up.

Anonymous said...


So you are saying BMX riding is all about X-Games contests, organizers capitalizing on everything on it by running advertisement dollars in the mass media?

If there was no haro, the bmx would have been fine without them, and there would be other companies to fill the niche.

YOu definitely sound one of those cluless ignorant people who doesn't ride at all and sit on your TV watching x-games reruns while drinking beer and eating beef-jerky sitting on their fat asses all day.

Your statement proves that. Fucking poser. I bet you can't even bunnyhop a curb.


Beau said...

I said that's what it is all about? I said it helps bmx, which it undeniably does. I really don't care whether I am the only person that rides bmx in the world or everyone did, if there was no money in it or billions, but why surpress it, don't like seeing 13 year old kids better than you? Get used to it. Heres a picture of me bunnyhopping up a curb for the record http://img188.imageshack.us/img188/8104/20376704.jpg

Anonymous said...


Meh, anyone can pose on a rail with their bikes for a split second, then take a picture and said "i did this, lolz omg!" then jump off.

I've seen kids do that at my local park on their shitty stock haro completes....

The things that clueless posers do to prove that they ride... pfft

Ty said...

Remember the pivital seat of the 90's? Mirra's. Every company had a fat, railed seat. Most of these kids probably weren't around for that. Sprfls flashback posts? Do it!

Anonymous said...

I've got a couple questions for Mr. "poser Police" above.
Who the fuck sits on their TV to watch x-games and what kind of queer do you have to be to talk shit about beer and beef jerky?

Mike said...

I regret the comment I made about this site sucking. It doesn't. Where's that Kobe interview?

Beau said...

http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/6040/98373180.jpg There ya go! Probably photoshopped though right? I'll upload the video but I do live in northern california, you could probably identify it as the work of industrial light and magic right away.


FUCK HARO.The ownership of that company has been passed around like a blow-up doll in jail over the past twenty years.

The fact that they still make "entry level" complete bikes means nothing, if that complete is a fucking brick that a ten year-old child cannot possibly get off the ground. Yet they still sell every summer and holiday season, on the strength of clueless parents' obsession with buying an established brand, along with the bike having a generic detangler, two brakes and four pegs and therefore seeming like better value. You never see those kids again--because once they've decided that BMX sucks, on the strength of their experience with the pile of junk laying forgotten in the garage after a few joyless rides, they'll move on to skateboarding, Wii, smoking their dad's cigarettes and shoplifting like every other pre-teen.

I've been very successfully selling the shit out of Fit TRL-1s and the new Kink Curb on the strength of having the kid test ride them, right after being on a piece-of-shit Haro F-2. The smile on their face says it all...




Anonymous said...

The other day I was riding at my local skatepark and this 10-13 y.o. kid on his ritchety shite stock Haro complete rolls along and asked: "What kind of bike is that?" I said, "It's a Sunday" Since I have Sunday f/f and OdysseyG-Sport stuff.

Then the kid said: "My Haro is a million times better than yours because Allan Cooke rides one" and this coming from a kid that can barely ride a bike with a headset so loose you can see the fork wobble while this kid rides around.
There are many kids like him around here where their parents buy the brands endorsed by the X-Games pros.

THIS is the typical mentality of Haro customers everyone, ignorant, clueless, and dumb as fuck: the ultimate personification of stupididty.

Buy them, because if you are the things mentioned above, then you deserve to get shite.

Anonymous said...

"THIS is the typical mentality of Haro customers everyone, ignorant, clueless, and dumb as fuck: the ultimate personification of stupididty."

the kid is fucking 10-13 years old. it's the typical mentality of anyone clueless child.

if the kid was like "haro's rule because nyquist rides for them" then you'd have no problem because nyquist kills it.

Anonymous said...

"Then the kid said: "My Haro is a million times better than yours because Allan Cooke rides one" and this coming from a kid that can barely ride a bike with a headset so loose you can see the fork wobble while this kid rides around."

Why wouldn't you offer to help the kid tighten his headset? It sounds like you're just an asshole in general. You are online pointing out why you are superior than a 10 year old kid because you have a Sunday. YOU are what's wrong with BMX. Arrogant know it all grown men.

Anonymous said...

"THIS is the typical mentality of Haro customers everyone, ignorant, clueless, and dumb as fuck: the ultimate personification of STUPIDIDTY."

This site is AWESOME! You can't get better irony for free.

Anonymous said...

anonymous to anonymous 4:44 PM

Well, duh, I did tell him to tighten his headset. It was how the 'conversation' started in the first place. YOu know what the kid said? He said "it's fine"(!). Then he proceeded to ask me about how his frame is better than mine then babled somemore about the news in HaroBikes.com about Allan Cooke.

So yeah. It's the kids fault for not listening and being arrogant little prick. His parents drive an expensive MPV and are ignorant to the fact that their kid is riding a rickety bike and probably wouldn't take the time to think about fixing it and most likely wouldn't mind paying for another Haro.

So excuse me for not feeling guilty having to work my ass working two jobs so I can pay for the best parts in BMX out of my OWN fucking pockets and pay my bills. Thanks.