Four-Piece and a Biscuit

Don't look now, but four-piece bars are making a comeback. Again. Maybe. Only this time they're bigger and badder than ever. Well, except for when they were popular in the early '90s and again in the late '90s. (It's more or less impossible to find someone that rode in the late '80s/early '90s who didn't have a set of Haro Kneesavers or GT four-piece, or someone that rode in the late '90s and didn't have a set of Castillos or Mad Dogs or Moe's Bars.) I can hardly wait for the return of the six- and seven-piece bar. Are we headed back to this?

Anyway, when I saw a shot of the new Federal 20/20 Bars (whatever that name means):


on their blog the first thing I thought of was a post I made on my old blog back in January of '07. I happened to have two sets of uncut GT four-piece bars (the 3D blueprint for the original "Bob" bar), and since they were 28" wide and chrome, I decided to shoot them and present them as if they were a new Animal product. I then assured everyone that it was just a joke. Were I cleverer, I would have let it hang for a little longer before ruining all the fun.

Now, of course, it's come full circle—the 'new' Federal bars look an awful lot like old DK bars. I half expect Haro (or maybe Premium) to offer an updated version of the OG Kneesavers—or maybe some lightened-up Mirra and or Nyquist Bars. Redline could bring back the Forklifters, complete with number-plate mounting tabs.

Federal isn't the only one on this particular bandwagon. Sputnic is pushing their own 13-butted version, in three different rises and three different colors, complete with their exclusive pad-centering (and utterly disgusting) externally butted crossbar:


I also like that they mention the "street-inspired 4-piece design." Because you never see anyone riding a street bike with two-piece bars or a race bike with four-piece. How can handlebars be "street inspired" anyway?

Of course for those who don't need 28"x8" and could care less about weight, there's always old faithful, the Animal Bob Bars:


I love that people are complaining (anonymously, of course) that Federal is just copying the Bob Bar (even though they're obviously wider and have way more backsweep) when the Bob Bar itself is a BLATANT—and acknowledged—ripoff of the GT's design from the early '90s. They're probably the most popular four-piece bar on the market right now, because they don't have that much competition. They're SIX WHOLE OUNCES heavier than the Sputnics, but think of the street cred! Even Corey Martinez has a pair, although he runs them a bit differently than most:


Word is that United is also coming out with a four-piece bar, which is good news for Corey so he won't have to be unceremoniously dumped from yet another team.

It'll be interesting to see whether this bigger crop of four-piece bars catches on. I kind of hope they do, just so companies start making something other than 28"x8" two-piece bars. (Not that it will be any better if everyone starts making 28"x8" four-piece bars. And I don't think my stomach could even handle a 29"x8.5" four-piece bar.)

But before everyone starts rushing to be first, let's consider that this isn't the first time a company has tried to make a big four-piece bar. Remember the FBM Dinner Box Bars:

They didn't make much of an impact when they came out, and disappeared without a trace. If there's any left at the warehouse, Steve and JPR should consider having them chromed and re-named. Because perhaps their time has finally come.

Personally? I'm holding out for the return of three-piece bars. I'm so far ahead of my time I'm about to pass you twice.

Wide Or Die

The other night, bored by whatever NBA playoff game was on, I decided to go on the Dan's Comp website and see how many two-piece bars were available that were at least eight inches tall and 28 inches wide. I believe there were 22. And that's just different models—if you break it down further with colorways and such, there are probably something like 80 different variations available. And that doesn't even include bars like the FBM Ape Hangers and the Animal Sway Bars and the Sunday “Forumph” bars which weren't on Dan's for whatever reason. So it’s probably more like 100.

All of these bars are direct descendants of the venerable S&M Slam Bar (above, itself still available in eight different variations from the same parent company, if you count S&M race bars as well as offerings from Metal and Fit), which itself was just a beefed-up version of the even-more-venerable GT Pro Bars. In the '90s, if you wanted a large two-piece bar, you had a choice: Slam Bars or Strip Bars. You could just flip a coin. Now you need some Dungeons and Dragons die.

But more choices must be better! Right?

Well, there sure are more options these days. Bars differ (albeit slightly) in upsweep and backsweep, even in width and height. (The 8.25"x29" Grand Slam and Fit Sky High bars exist just in case Gary Ellis starts racing again—although I think he'll be disappointed by modern seatpost choices.) Backsweep ranges all the way from 10.5 degrees to 12.75, and upsweep from zero degrees all the way to 2 (the Tree Branch Bars actually have a four-degree option, and the Sunday Forumphs are four degrees as well). So yeah, they're different. But only so much.

(Also, a bit off-topic, but are we about done with the cutesy handlebar names? We've had Slam Bars, Strip Bars, Gay Bars, Dive Bars, Nudie Bars, Sleazy Bars, Wack Bars, Prison Bars, Cell Bars, Juice Bars, Milk Bars, Karaoke Bars, Holy Cross Bars, Iron Cross Bars, Hot Bars, Turn Bars, Candy Bars, Chocolate Bars, Mitzvah Bars, Variety Bars, Mustache Bars, Love Handles, Bar:E:Os, Fubars, Space Bars, Glam Bars, Electro AND Elektro Bars, Scenester Bars, the Vinnie Bar(barino)s, Regal Beagle Bars, Sissy Bars, Chicago Bars, and—God help us—the Roseanne Bar. What did I forget?)

So anyway, when is a choice not a choice? When pretty much every "big bar" available may as well just be a Slam Bar with different stickers (and heck, some, like the Fit and Metal bars, most likely are exactly that). And when every company decided "hey, our team riders and all those kids are riding big bars—we'd better make some!" And sell them to…who exactly? At least Sunday bars will save you some money at the powdercoaters if you want to match them to your Wave frame. I can’t help but think there are going to be a heck of a lot of leftover big bars being sold on clearance when the pendulum swings the other way and small/low bars come back in vogue. Oh, that’s right, they won’t because big bars give you more control. My bad.

(I also find it funny that every company under the sun makes a big two-piece bar, but hardly anyone offers four-piece bars. Sure, they’re heavier than two-piece, but a lot of people run Bob Bars anyway. You’d think a bigger Castillo/AD Bar would be a no-brainer for S&M. Guess not.)

Simple Weight-Saving Tip

Let's say, for argument's sake, that you're a 15-year-old kid just getting into BMX. A little late, but these things happen. And let's also say that you have seemingly endless resources (let's call them "mom and dad"). So you build up the perfect bike—picking it out piece-by-piece, with "ultralight" this and "XLT" that. No pegs, no brakes, no problem! "Mom, can you strip my Pivotal?"

Yet when you finally get it together and get out into the sun, something still doesn't seem right. It's not that you've hardly ever ridden a BMX bike before and need to build up more strength by riding every day. No, that can't be it. There must be something wrong with the bike. It's still too heavy!

But what else is there? You've already got plastic pedals and plastic barends, a two-inch long slammed seatpost and a stripped and trimmed seat, Kevlar-beaded tires, and enough race parts to get sponsored by the NAACP. Your frame was designed by NASCAR engineers, and your fork was designed by—well, someone who knew what they were doing, hopefully. You've got hollow bolts and ti bolts, ti axle nuts and a hollow-pin, hollow-plate chain. Your gearing is so small that said chain hits your chainstay on the top AND bottom. What else is there?

Here's where the hint comes into play, oh seeker of the unbearable lightness of BMXing. Look at yourself in a mirror (or convenient store window) while sitting on your bike. Do your arms look like this?


If so, maybe start with that four inches of extra metal on the end of your bars.