Monday, June 30, 2008

Assassination Day

To be honest, nothing much in BMX surprises me anymore. The riding? When you have guys doing flairs entirely backwards and 360ing off rooftops, it's apparent that anything goes. And productwise, well, I think I've made myself quite clear. Let's just say I generally hope for the best and expect the worst.

Sometimes, it seems, my expectations are still too high.

Take Hitman Bikes. Their new street frame is a low-slung, drilled-out, Sanko-tubed creation that looks like an Eastern on a crash diet or a Tierra that was used for target practice (the three holes in the headtube beg to be converted into a working traffic light). According to the accompanying release, which is up on Ride but, oddly enough, not on Hitman's own site, it weighs four pounds, six ounces, which honestly seems kind of heavy given all the drilling. The prototype was sub-four, and is apparently still being ridden, which doesn't really explain why the production frame is 12 ounces heavier.

(I'm not entirely sure, based on the photo and the diagram below, where all 21 holes are. It looks like 10 in the seattube, three in the headtube, and four in the capped stays. Where else? Maybe the gyro tab ones count?)


As you can see on info sheet, they named the frame the "Sir Han," and used images of pistols and a silencer-wielding gunman. Which is all well and good, I suppose—the company is named "Hitman," and their last frame, the Ruby, was a nod to Jack, who sent Lee Harvey Oswald on his way.

But "Sir Han" is a whole other matter. Sirhan Sirhan was the nutjob who assassinated Presidential candidate Bobby Kennedy back in '68, paving the way for Dick Nixon and Spiro Agnew and all the ensuing unpleasantness. Not that Jack Ruby was a saint, but naming your 21-holed frame for a guy who put four holes in a future President—and is still very much alive, awaiting his 14th shot at parole—is at best a sick joke. I can't wait for the James Earl Ray and the MDC.

(Hitman is also releasing a drilled-out, sub-four-pound flatland frame that was designed in part by Day Smith and Sean McKinney. It only has 18 holes in it. Hopefully Sean wanted all the holes so the frame could double as a bong.)

Given the 18 holes, they should have called the flat frame the "Tiger," or the "Spackler." Instead they went with the "Judas," who may have betrayed Jesus, but never shot anyone. What a pussy.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

RFK's assassination paved the way for Nixon, not LBJ. Just sayin.

That frame angers and confuses me. If that frame were a person, it would be on Jerry Springer.

Russ said...

Whoops. I knew that. And that I WILL edit.

Si said...

would you buy a bike from these men?

http://www.hitmanbikes.com/Ownerspics/slides/2006%20HITMEN!.html

Also their graphics totally whack. I'm with anon on this one; there is an anger I have for that frame. It makes me think more about grating cheese than BMX and there's only one place for cheese and that's in the fridge.

Anonymous said...

10 seat tube
3 h/t
8 near drops. inside and outside.

Stephen said...

bmx is sitting on the edge of fucked as it is...and now this.

i am pretty sure that you carry enough change in your pockets to account for the weight saved with these fucking holes. as much as i love coalition and greg, those holy cross bars made me want to vomit, so i am not just picking on upstarts and idiots (looking at you, eastern).

where does this end? how light does a bike have to be? if S&M had a hair on their balls, they'd make the dirt bike 6 pounds and send along a weight lifting chart with instructions on how to get stronger.

way to fag it all up, bmx.

daz. said...

that crazy colt video is awesome. that guy's off his nut. big, fast and stupid 360s off everything. brilliant! he's like sean burns but with worse fashion...

Mexican John said...

Drilled out frames, why? Great place for water, mud, tiny stones and other shit to get into your frame not to mention it looking shit and uneccessary.

ben said...

At least they could've come up with more obscure assassins. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_assassins

Anonymous said...

anyone who doesn't think holes weaken a tube needs to look at a ferrari f1 steering column - it has holes drilled in it so it will collapse in an impact.

mat said...

i love this blog.
the head tube looks so stupid. i could live with the holes in the seatube. at least its still there!
i remember seeing someone totally remove theirs. That's got bad news written all over it.

todd from albe's said...

yep...that would be our very own resident dumb ass than ran sans seat tube for a bit. that little mod generated some real heat.

http://albes.blogs.com/albes_bmx_mail_order/2007/10/matt-sparks-bik.html

Anonymous said...

This is going to come back soon...
http://bmxmuseum.com/bikes/ace/4872

Anonymous said...

God that frame looks shit!
I would rarther have the reaper!

Anonymous said...

hitman bikes...come on, bmx has gotten past the "we're hardcore, angry, different, and hate everyone, especially the man" stage. grow up and pick a good name at least.

Anonymous said...

if BMX has grown out of it then someone should let The Shadow Conspiracy, FBM and Little Devil know.

ryan said...

Even after every mainstream news channel (in the past year even) announced that there were way more shots fired than sirhan could have got off, and of a different caliber, and in places he couldn't have seen, let alone shot at, everybody still thinks they know exactly what happened.

Anonymous said...

you are throwing fbm in with shadow and little devil as far as image goes?

Anonymous said...

hitman is a name that a 12 year old comes up with when designing his signiture frame in 6th grade, because he thinks it sounds badass and tough. little devil and fbm came from the stage of bmx where those kinds of names were acceptable. the shadow conspiracy...still fairly old and was mildly "dark" for back then even...either way, naming a company "hitman" bikes in 2008 is taboo. might as well put some alienation parts on there and call it "THE H8888888888" with some flames and skulls and shit. grow up hitman bikes.

Russ said...

I always thought FBM's image was having fun, riding bikes, drinking beer, and blowing shit up.

Anonymous said...

..and being ultra lite wate and kool!

Anonymous @ 4:00 said...

i understand that FBM, Little Devil and the Shadow were formed in a different time in BMX but that doesn't mean they couldn't change a bit to keep up with the climate. but i completely aggree that starting a company now with that name/image is silly and juvenile. as for FBM's "fun and bikes" image, i think every t-shirt i have ever owned from those guys has had at least 1 skull, 1 booze bottle (with XXX on it) and some flames. maybe i define that stuff a little different.

Anonymous said...

Mckinney and Day designing those things... I hear they are going to re-release the HAF.

brien said...

Little Devil is essentially dead; even Derek has admitted that they won't be around much longer.

FBM's image has changed a little over the years, but I don't necessarily think it needs to change.

Shadow's name and image has always bene kinda goofy, but I own a few of their shirts and their products aren't bad(although not too much different from everyone else).

Smitty said...

This is not a defense of Hitman...but it is a defense of FBM, Little Devil and Shadow Conspiracy. Isn't there room in this world for another point of view? Isn't there room for another aesthetic? Even one that might be deemed "so 2007"? Keep it real, Crandall, Derek and Ronnie B.

Anonymous said...

quite honestly the comments about FBM etc. were originally meant to be a bit light hearted but turned serious. sorry to get everyone worked up and in a defense mode.

Anonymous said...

the thing looks killer to me , why you all always hating on new stuff? and hitman was in florida in 05, ur just now seeing them.they have a free sk8 park also, florida boys for life!

hitmanbikesinc. said...

HITMAN BIKES. The name comes from living in a place where the city parks official calls your house personaly to threaten you with FELLONY TRESPASS ARREST for riding the sk8 park you donated over $1000 at 8am. And then arresting rider/ friends for riding a ditch or anywhere near a store , public park ,or street. Yes it was that bad in Brooksville Fl. We have to street ride as hitmen. Hit it and get the f out b4 arrest. My guess is you have it so good in your area that you forgot how to scale a 12' fence with the bike on your back just to ride at 1 AM. Must be nice not to be angry, i wanted to murder these city officials who claim "I dont see how you can share with sk8boards". They took my money, ideas, help, and at the opening big city party day they told us for the first time, NO BIKES! We protested and it made them even more hateful towards bikes. SO I bought a run down building and converted it to a free sk8 park, (ghetto but nice and free) then opened a store, made some shirts (like all bmxers) then when S&m/fit offered us some frames to start up we went with the hitman design/name we had already sold 1000+ shirt to world wide. yes im pissed, bikes still cant ride where they want when they want as in the U.S. constitution: the right to happiness unless it interfers with the right of others. BMX IS MY RIGHT AND ILL BE PISSED UNTILL EVERY PARK IN USA ALlOWS BIKES AND WE ARE NOT TREATED AS A 1950s evil minority. STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS! PROTEST PARKS THAT WONT ALLOW BIKES! ITS YOUR TAX DOLLARS SUPPORTING # WHEELED RACISM, bikes have been in SK8 parks since 1977. ALSO WE ARE 100 RIDER OWNED AND DO NOT CARE ABOUT PROFITS MARGINS, QUOTAS,OR ANY OF THE OTHER STUFF ALL OTHERS CARE ABOUT. NOTHING BUT HEAD ANGLES, TUBE SIZES, AND LIFE TIME LASTING FRAMES.(ive broke so many) HITMANBIKES RIDING BMX SINCE 1975BC (BEFORE CROSS BAR).

hitmanbikesinc. said...

bmxunion.blogspot.com/2008/04/christian-simmonds-interview.html - 95k - see it for a hitman owner interview see hitmanbikes.com utube page for Ben SNowdens new ride