Blazing Saddles

We here at SPRFLS would like to recognize the good people at Verde for introducing the 500th Pivotal seat "design" of 2008. (UGP alone released 347 of them.) Verde's oh-so-clever Timber seat will go perfectly with the station wagon your parents had in 1979, or the limited Mosh parts you sold on eBay back in 2005.


Recent research indicates that there are now 438.6 BMX seats for every BMX bike in the world, and even Warren Buffet is buying Velo stock. So if you don't have at least three or four seats of your own, you're simply not pulling your weight. You should be swapping your seat out daily to match your t-shirt and sneakers and replacing each of them every three weeks whether you need to or not.

But if you're one of those slackers who only owns one seat, maybe it's not your fault. Maybe there aren't any designs you like yet. So we're here to help. Here's five more seat print concepts we fully expect to see sooner rather than later:

1. Bart Simpson (Pivotal only). Not too hard to figure out how the figure would line up.
2. Stripped print. Get the trendy LITEWAIT look without having to actually tear off your cover and padding!
3. Paris Hilton's face. This also should probably be Pivotal only, for obvious reasons.
4. Kerry King armband. It doesn't get more metal than that. Bonus points if the seat has real six-inch spikes sticking out of it. (Like you sit down anyway.)
5. UCI World Champion stripes. We'd love to see SDG do one of these for Jamie Bestwick in recognition of his winning the last 317 vert comps.
   
6. Just pick the latest ridiculous Nikes off of Hypebeast and copy them. (Please do a better job than this, though.)

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Holy weird. It's 4 a.m. Eastern, and the movie Shadow Conspiracy just came on TNT. Charlie Sheen! Donald Sutherland! Linda Hamilton! Sam Waterston as the President! Ben Gazarra as the Vice President! Alistair Whitton as...oh, I'm just kidding. Well, not about the movie being on. We'll see how long I can take it.

No Limit Soldiers

This seat has never really appealed to me. The whole all-over print streetwear aesthetic just strikes me as being tired, and aimed at a group that I've never been a part of. I'm not so hot on the automatic weapons motif, either. Which isn't even necessarily about being outside the demographic—I know plenty of people (riders and not) younger than I am who never got into the whole hypebeast mentality either. However, seeing that this is the second version of this seat—in four different colorways, no less—someone out there must like it. Nope, stuff like this is just a symptom of something bigger.

BMX bicycles, frames and parts are marketed more like streetwear than they are bicycles. It makes sense, of course: a) companies need to actually sell things to stay in business, b) if people only replaced parts when they broke or there were distinctly better options available, everyone would go out of business, and c) BMX definitely has a long-established tendency to go with style over substance. Hence "limited edition" parts and colorways, heinous all-over print seats and the $2,000 Mirraco (which, um, isn't even identical to Dave's actual bike).

Whatever works, I guess. The economy is headed for disaster, prices for raw materials are going through the roof, and I'm sure there are countless companies struggling to just stay afloat. Maybe limited products help them survive. Lifetime warranties don't make things any easier—if you can buy one fork or pair of bars that will be replaced in perpetuity, you'd need a damn good reason to ever buy another set. Gotta give people a reason to buy something new. And if you believe some of what was said in yesterday's marathon comments, things will only get worse. Prices will go up (high-end BMX frames are absurdly cheap when compared to those for any other discipline), and soon everything in BMX might be limited edition. (Of course everything is limited in the literal sense—I don't think there's an infinite amount of any bike parts out there, except for maybe Primo Walls.)

There is no easy answer, and I'm not foolish enough to think I can present one. But focusing on limited edition stuff just seems to make things hard for the retailer and the consumer. If you're the retailer, you need to stock untold colors and risk taking a hit if one doesn't take off. And if you're the consumer, you're stepping on a merry-go-round that never stops. What's this week's new is next week's old, and if you want to stay ahead of the curve, you have to move fast and spend a lot. Which is why I feel, generally speaking, it's best to take the advice of John Cutter:

Always bet on black.

Holding Fourth

Vic Murphy, Patriot.


In honor of Independence Day (not Independence Day), please remember your patriotic duty: grill meat, drink PBR, and shoot off fireworks. In fact, heed the words of the mighty FBM: blow up your car, ride a bike.


(Ardelean's not gonna like that photo, I don't think.)

And in the interests of showing (and not casting judgement on) an appropriate product, I present to you the wrapped S&M Race XLT stem. It doesn't get much more American than that. They came out in the middle of June (in Redneck and Race varieties) and there were less than 100 of each made, so they're probably long gone by now.




Enjoy the holiday.

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OK, one somewhat appropriate addition. The photo below is of Nate Wessel's signature Failure frame. If I remember correctly, I jacked it from a UK distributor's site, since Failure doesn't have one at the moment (just a myspace):


Note, if you will, the bottle opener chainstay gusset. Neat. Bike parts have had openers before, most notably the FBM Bottleneck stem and the Quamen street frame. (Wasn't one of Jay Miron's signature frames supposed to have a built-in opener as well?) I just have one question, though: Once you have the frame built up, how the fuck do you actually use it? Isn't it a bit inconvenient?

I'll stick to using my pedals, thanks.

Rasta La Vista, Baby

I do believe that these are the worst-looking hubs I've ever seen in my life.


These LIMITED EDITION Profile Mini hubs are called "Rasta", but look more like something you'd buy at Party Time. Are they supposed to be covered in streamers? Were they designed by a four-year old? Hell, they look more Mardi Gras than Rastafari. Regardless, they're the worst-looking (allegedly) Rasta-themed bike part ever, and that's saying a lot given what there's been, both in mountain:

• Chris King headsets:


Salsa skewers:


• Paul derailleurs:



(When it comes to pure unadulterated '90s disgustingness, nothing beats mountain bike parts.)



And BMX:


• Demolition pedals (I always thought they should have done a Neapolitan version):


• Fit DLR (and DLD) stem:



And, my favorite of all, the 10-year-old Rigid street frame, a Nate Wessel creation (as was the Demolition pedal 'colorway', actually). I looked all over the internet for photos and couldn't find any, so I decided to shoot the spread straight out of Ride (June/July '98). You might even be able to read it:


(Nice sprocket, Nate.)

I really wish I had a scanner—maybe I should buy one of those "limited edition" hubsets and flip 'em on eBay. Too bad I don't think I'd make a profit. I'd be better off re-selling these, 'cause those hubs are gonna be a dog. Since they're both terrible AND late.

(I don't even want to get into how silly it is to run Rasta parts on your bike if you don't at least have a basic understanding of Rastafari. It's not all just about smoking weed and listening to Bob Marley. That said, I'm gonna get a Star of David sprocket to show my love for The Fiddler on the Roof and Uzis.)


EDIT: How did I miss this? Jersey Mike Taylor must have been a fan of that Rigid:

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I haven't even watched all their videos yet, but Portland's Your Inn is my new favorite BMX crew. Company. Whatever. Anyone co-sponsored by a local vodka distillery is A-1 by me. Next time I'm in the PDX, I'm paying a visit.

Putting the "X" in BMX

You know you're in trouble when there's news of a 'new' bike on both RideBMX and Hypebeast. If a bike appears on Hypebeast, you can automatically assume the following: a) it's a collaboration of some sort, b) it's going to be 'limited edition' in this case, less than 500) and c) the whole is going to cost more than the sum of its parts. Probably a lot more. (Hypebeast really did their homework on the project, too: "DC Shoe and SE Bikes will once again join hands to release a new Bike called the Quadangle." Just shoot me.)

Meet the DC x SE Quadangle 24. (The "x" is really important amongst streetwear/hypebeast types. Without that, they'd need to knock off a couple hundred bucks off the retail price. But DC? Do hypebeasts wear DC? In fact, who DOES wear DC?)


This is a bike that never was. There was a looptail Quadangle, but never a 24. Not an official one, anyway. (There was a "skunkworks" Quad cruiser knockoff a couple years ago, but it wasn't an SE product.) SE Racing was the brainchild of Scot Breithaupt (the SE stands for "Scot Enterprises"), an early BMX brand that brought us the Landing Gear fork and the "PK Ripper" as well as the Quadangle, the Floval Flyer 24" and the OM Flyer 26". Seminal BMX products all. It's now a division of Fuji that sells cheap cookie-cutter single-speed flatbar roadbikes by the metric ton.

What they're selling here is nostalgia. Well, pseudo nostalgia. And shockingly, I have a couple of problems with it.

1) Why not go all-out and make the 24" Quad with a 1" threaded headset and a quill stem? Was it that important to make it race-worthy? It's a collaboration, for God's sake. People are just going to buy them in order to re-sell them on eBay, or stash them in their attic for 25 years to pay for their kid's college education. I'm sure a few of them will be ridden, but not by people who will care whether it has an Aheadset or not.

2) This could be 1)a, I suppose, but the v-brake ruins the whole bike, IMO. Doesn't anyone make calipers anymore?

3) Flat black? Great for a modern street bike, not so much for a retro project. The frameset—baby blue with a brown fork—is much better. Those are classic SE colors. Do the complete in those colors with chrome rims, bars, cranks and seatpost—and a camo padset—and you'd have something. Oh well, at least they got the skinwalls right. (Also, a retro-style number plate would have added a HUGE space for more branding. Fail.)

4) Actually, the whole parts kit just looks booty. Sweet generic Taiwanese stuff, fellas. Way to make things special.

5) It would have been nice if the collaboration was with Vans, who actually sponsored SE riders back in the day, rather than DC, who remains primarily a skate shoe company. Vans would have brought a better historical perspective to the project, I'd think (and they probably wouldn't have spelled Stu Thomsen's name wrong on the official history page). But I shouldn't be so critical. At least DC stepped to the plate (this is their second collaboration with SE following last year's looptail PK retro). I guess Vans is too busy courting other, more appropriate partners like geriatric British metal bands and obscure Japanese streetwear brands.

Oh well. Anything that gets hipsters off fixed gears is a good thing, I suppose.

Friday Quiz

1. This shirt was designed by:


a) Ralph Steadman for "Fear and Loathing in Wal*Mart"

b) Christian Slater for "Gleaming The Cube"

c) a streetwear company in 1996

d) a surfwear company in 1988

e) a BMX company last week



2. Superstar only made 35 of these stems. Why?


a) that's how many people run topload stems in 2008

b) that's how many people in the US have heard of Superstar

c) it's easier to sell a generic product when you call it "limited edition"

d) they ran out of green dye after making a dozen too many Easter eggs

e) they needed to use the lathe to cut Pivotal seatposts in half



3. This ACS stem was designed in the early '90s. It failed spectacularly because:


a) BMX discovered the Aheadset

b) it wasn't designed by George French

c) the cutting-edge design failed to account for handlebar use

d) you couldn't run it inverted

e) they never actually produced it, it was just an elaborate April Fool's joke




4. These wooden BSD sprockets were produced for the following reason:


a) oak is way lighter than 6061 or 7075

b) wooden sprockets and chains don't harm pool coping

c) to upstage Mosh's woodgrain products

d) as trophies for an event

e) because destroying Earth's natural habitat and making it unsuitable for human life is the only way we're ever going to get rid of Kenan Harkin and Rick Thorne




5. Snafu's new 34.1 ounce UL Race Forks have huge cutouts in the dropouts. Why?


a) weight savings

b) a space for a proprietary safety washer

c) welding is hard

d) to embarass the smaller holes in the Pitchfork XLT

e) McGoo missed his old Redline

This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse

It's hard work being this late to the streetwear party. What's next? An all-over print hoodie? Collaboration tees with The Shadow Conspiracy and Hell On Earth? Poverty selvage denim?

And I absolutely detest the term 'limited edition.' The only two things that aren't limited, to the best of my knowledge, are space and time. Although in this case, Dan's and New Era should have made these hats really, really limited. A half-dozen or so would have done the trick.

Alienated

It's easy to make unnecessary parts. Everyone does it, and not just in BMX. Making your entire COMPANY superfluous, well, that takes a little more work. Like what, you ask? Hm, let's see. Things like:

Re-labeled generic products.

Terrible names.

"Limited Edition" parts.

A laughable mission statement.

Anarchy symbols and other appallingly stupid and/or insensitive imagery (Insurgent? Now? Really?) aimed at the Hot Topic crowd.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Alienation, the most superfluous parts company of 2008. (I know it's only April, but I can't imagine anyone surpassing them.) In fact, they have a shot at being the most superfluous BMX parts company of all-time.

Founded by a former exec at Sun Rims (or perhaps his 13-year-old kid), Alienation specializes in selling slightly different (read: uglier) versions of parts that are already readily available from other, more reputable manufacturers. Luckily, they've managed to catch on as a parts supplier for completes from companies like Fit and Diamondback, or else they'd probably have gone under already. Still, Alienation is the Rockstar* of parts companies—if they continue in their current direction, I'll be absolutely amazed if they still exist six months from now.

According to the mission statement linked to above, "Alienation was started with one thing in mind; deliver technically superior products with obvious enhancements and inherent differences from the competition." Well, I looked through all the products, and I don't think I found a single one that qualified (their freecoaster, for example, is just an uglier KHE). Unless neonified and mutilated baseball team logos count as "obvious enhancements"—and I suppose they may in the New Era of twothousandhate.

(My favorite aspect of the whole site, however, is the way they list parts by "Street Value" instead of MSRP. So edgy! Either that, or someone watched too much Miami Vice growing up. That said, may I suggest a few product names? The "Sonny Sprockett" and the "Pablo Esco Bar." Kids love the drugs.)

On top of all that, BMX already did the anarchy thing (quite well, I may add) 20 years ago. And Nick Phillip wasn't outsourcing their t-shirts from China and Taiwan.


EDIT: I didn't realize this at first, but Alienation is actually the BMX division of WTB (Wilderness Trail Bikes), although they don't really push the connection on either site. So it's actually just another example of BMX being marginalized as kid stuff by a "real" bike company. Thanks but no thanks. Get out. We don't want or need you.


* "Hey, the Rockstar site doesn't work!" My point exactly.