Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Devil's Hellion Child

Undoubtedly, when it passes, the year 2009 will have meant a lot of things to a lot of people. Barack Obama was inaugurated as the 44th President. Kobe Bryant finally won a ring without Shaq. It was the International Year of Natural Fibres. And ya boy Askar Aitamov turned 50.

But for those of us who live, breathe and compulsively weigh BMX, perhaps nothing was bigger than Volume Bikes turning 10. And to celebrate such a momentous anniversary, they're re-releasing the Hellion.

Well, not exactly re-releasing as such.

The original Hellion was a monster, what with its massive gussett and proprietary detachable headtube. Among its many, many advantages was that it was cheaper than a Kink or a Standard. Not just any frame could get that endorsement, especially Kinks or Standards.

Now, you may be looking at this new Hellion and wondering what exactly makes it a Hellion. Hater. All you have to do is read the fine print:

"The new Hellion features similar design features as the first: brake bosses on the CS med height ST (no scooters here!) and a double diamond rear end."

Hm. Interesting. Yes, chainstay brakes do seem to be going the way of the massive headtube gussett and toptubes are sinking faster than a mastodon in a tar pit. But much like the Kink Empire Revision C, the new Hellion has virtually nothing in common with its namesake besides the name. Well, OK, and it's a BMX frame. It's like Chevy putting out a front-wheel-drive econobox called the "Chevelle" and stating that it has similar design features as the first: four wheels and an engine.

I suppose the "outtie" headtube badge (as opposed to the "innie" on Rob's Zombie) is there as a reminder of those carefree days when frames were needlessly heavy, rims were triplewall and bikes were ridden until the wheels (or headtubes) fell off.

Oh well. At least Blackie Lawless is psyched.


Stephen said...

The guy gave it a 10/10, even though it was heavy.


Sticking feathers up your ass might not make you a chicken, but some of these companies are gonna try.


*nods at DBZ*

Russ said...

Fuck it, let's mix up the colors. Is black on white better than white on black? Are people's eyes happier?

New header is next.

Anonymous said...

Figures you'd change it to white.

bill said...

Whoa. I was reading this with a black background and white type, clicked a link... and when I returned it was white background with black type. Trippy. Thought I lost it there for a sec

Much much better. My eyes can focus on the text. smart move!

That Hellion is like the "new/old" Dirtbike. pfft. At least S&M used the original sticker design. Anyone see the new/old Holmes? Built as if it were 91 again. Not sure about that. I was all over it in 91, but now it seems like a rip off. A re-pop is a fake in my eyes.

Leland said...

I wanted that sprocket with the two sticker set soooo bad.

brian said...

there's no way the original hellion had that geometry. they should have just rereleased the stickers instead of another 75/71 frame.

leland, what, no kink sex drive?

Jake said...

I don't like it now that I can read the text.

alfred said...

hers a sweeter looking pic of the frame:

smoovebert said...

i'm a little bummed it didn't have the can-opener gusset

Russ said...

Jake: Next time I'll try white on white. Which, by the way, is fuckin' RAWSE!

2010 said...

White is the new black.

Does this mean that you are officially no longer stuck in the 90s?

Edge Alex said...

Fuckin golden post Russ. Proprietary detachable headtubes... Ahaha fuck, so good and yet so true.

Anonymous said...

Russ, what did you think of the Sunday Model C?

Verification: lecrib

Which is French for "The Crib".

Adam said...

wow, what a trip. I wrote that review you linked to when I was like 14 or 15. That thing was my first frame. Here's what it looked like built up:

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Love the new layout! Ahahah that picture of the guy with the broken front end is the epitome of SPRFLSity.

Grimace said...

I actually quite like it. Its kind of like halfway between the bloodwolf and the dirtbike weight wise. If i needed a frame and didnt want to spend loads on a coustom this would be my choice.

Anonymous said...

BMX Forum is better in updating SPRFLS BMX stuff than this deadblog.

At least they have a few salty cunts slagging off SPRFLS shits occasionally.

This blog is THAT bad.

Anonymous said... Friday Quiz?!

Anonymous said...

hi.. just dropping by here... have a nice day!

Anonymous said...

Anon 6:11: Hardly anyone at all on BMX-F is remotely salty. There are a couple of people from BG that are slightly salty, but no one on it is anywhere near Streetphire levels of saltiness.

Anonymous said...

whoa word verification is "STIFFES"

thats all i gotta say.

Anonymous said...

"There are a couple of people from BG that are slightly salty, but no one on it is anywhere near Streetphire levels of saltiness."

Some of the salty members of BG DO post in BMX-F. Any other preteen ignomorons aren't worth my time reading past the first word.

"Anon 6:11: Hardly anyone at all on BMX-F is remotely salty. "

Which was my point. HARDLY. This blog HARDLY has a constant updateThe level of saltiness and quality posting by Russ has gone down much like sprocket teeth and sprocket counts, tubing thickness, seatpost height etc etc

He just writes 'critics' with only a SLIGHT tone of pessimistic sarcasm at the sake of brevity, thinking that everyone would 'get it', without explaining the HOW and WHY, in which it should be emphasized inside the engineering scope of the BMX parts being discussed or criticized.

That would make for a real valid ground on his rebuttals.

The fact he has toned down his saltiness may have caused by the fact his identity/personal life has become known, making it easy for the proponents of SPRFLS parts to make a personally fuelled rebuttal towards Russ (living in mom's attic/old slacker freeloader/etc).

I also see George has not posted anymore (or so it seems) in here and in Bikeguide for fear of being attacked and singled out personally.

This blog is a waste.

Anonymous said...

Damn, I don't even feel safe posting as ananymous after that...I'm too scurred.

Anonymous said...