What you are about to see is classified top secret.
OK, not really.
Roughly two years ago I got it in my head that I wanted to build the heaviest BMX bike possible. Visions of Gack Cannibals danced in my head. My goal was, if possible, to build a 50-pound bike using only production parts.
I didn't make it. The bike you see below weighs in at something like 45 pounds. Maybe a little less. The process of its assembly was more or less liveblogged on BMXboard, but for those of you who missed out, here's the bike check to end all bike checks:
FRAME: Eastern Hercules. The serial number starts with "HT," which seems to imply it's a hi-ten frame from one of their low-end completes. Incidentally, I got frustrated trying to get the sprocket lined up right, and I wound up bashing the hell out of the downtube with a hammer. Did some serious aesthetic damage, but I doubt I actually hurt it.
FORK: G-Sport Prong. This was a donation from the UK (many people contributed to the completion of Project: Tank). Massive steerer tube, massive dropouts (with heart-shaped cutouts for two wheel placements), canti mounts. You've come a long way, baby.
WHEELS: Haro Heffer 2. Haro hubs laced to Alex triple walls. The hubs are bolt-through 14mm, and I'm amazed the bolts don't meet in the middle.
CRANKS: Profile SS. I want to say they're 170mm or something ludicrous.
SPROCKET: Profile SS (um, make that Blackjack. That's what I get for writing this at 5 a.m.). I need to get one of those pork chop guards.
CHAIN: Kink/KMC 415h.
BARS: Hoffman Love Handles. Less than eight-piece would be uncivilized.
GRIPS: Can't remember.
STEM: 2-Hip. I'm sure there are heavier stems out there—the Primo Casket is over a pound—but the 2-Hip is noteable for its utter ugliness.
PEDALS: DK Iron Cross, sealed.
SEAT: Odyssey Business Class. Two full pounds of seat. Amazing.
SEATPOST: Primo Rod. Um, I think.
SEATPOST CLAMP: Primo Viking.
TIRES: Primo Wall 2.1 front and rear.
HEADSET: Can't remember.
PEGS: Kink El Guapo. Monstrous. I need two more of them at some point.
BRAKES: None. Although ideally it needs a 990, a Gyro, and multiple Primo Perverts. And a canti of some sort up front.
Project: Tank is currently parked in a friend's basement, waiting for who knows what. Its only public appearance was at a video premiere downtown. Afterwards, Mike Brennan bunnyhopped it 35 inches to win an FBM-sponsored contest. Then it caught a flat, and I realized I'd never fully tightened the stem bolts. Whoops.
I'm still looking to weigh it down more one of these days. The two additional pegs would help, as would brakes. I also have a pair of Odyssey Hammerhead barends to install—they're actually heavier than my Sunday Triumph bars. Then it would be nice to swap out the hi-ten frame for a Cannibal or chromoly Pork. Fifty pounds might never happen, but I can dream.
