Friday, February 13, 2009

Guilty of Being Wide

Eastern, the company that brought you the ventilated frame, has joined the list of companies (Solid and, uh...Solid) who offer nine-inch rise, 30-inch wide bars. What we have here is the Wonder Years Nineties Bar, which makes absolutely no sense seeing that The Wonder Years actually took place in the '70s. Or was it the 60s? (It was actually the '60s AND the '70s. Oh.)

Anyway, this guy is stoked to finally have a choice when it comes to bars.

Hey, look, if you want to run huge bars, that's your business. If you're sitting there looking at your Grand Slams and saying, "man, these would be PERFECT if they were only wider and taller," you're stoked. Or if you're one of those guys running a flipped-over Fit DLD stem with 12 spacers under it and grips that stretch past your barends because you fucking hate Solid and you'd rather give your money to al Qaeda, you finally have another choice. If you like your barspins to sound (and look) like the blades of a Huey, cool. (You could run white barends to really get that helicopter vibe going.) Now it's easier than ever to have your grips a full foot higher than your seat. And what I really want to see is a set of these on a flatland bike—the idea of bars wider than wheelbase just gets me all sorts of excited.

No, what bugs me is the name. Wonder Years Nineties Bars? What does that even mean? A long time ago I did a post where I listed all the bar names I could remember. Many of them were terribly clever-sounding, others were, well, not so clever. And you'd think the second-ever set of super-giant bars would get a clever one.

Apparently not.

I understand that the name "Sasquatch" has already been taken. I understand that type-of-bar name—strip, gay, crow, dive—has been beaten to death, resurrected, then beaten to death again. But within two minutes of seeing these Eastern bars, I came up with what I think would have been the perfect name:

The 9:30 Bar.

It's short. It's simple. It makes sense. And it references an actual club* in DC where Minor Threat and Fugazi more or less lived.

Oh well, whoever comes out with the next set of super-giant bars can use it and thank me later.

* that has a bar in it

••••••••••••

81 comments:

dickie davis said...

fuck, that is pretty genius. what a fucked up situation.

nerys hughes said...

strike that - the 9.30 was a club,presumably an all ages one. you suck, bengtson

Russ said...

You're right, that means it doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

At least you spelled my last name right. Thanks for that.

nate said...

Is Solid still making custom stuff? I know that they make the Roseanne Bars, but I want some straight up 10"x35" handlebars just so I could look down my nose at all of the other giant handlebars.

Not that I really want to ride with bars that big, but part of me still wants to own some just to own some. Hell, I might even spring for some 11"x38.5" bars just to stay that much farther ahead of the trend!

Verification word = bidented

Russ said...

12x40

Anonymous said...

Sixth!

len ganley said...

i feel bad now, almost

Maxime Rousseau said...

Best post title so far.

As for the bars, I've thought about having some 12-40's or something amongst those sizes custom made so I can just hang em on my wall for deco. Size for size, I'm sure it's cheaper than a Fyxomatosis 2'x3' print.

I had never seen Roseannes before, they're rucking fidiculous.

G.S.GUCCILIFE said...

Gotta love that yellow though....


verification word:outer

Stephen said...

Nascar related name...

Montoya-Kahne Bars.

I bet BKFBM knows what I am talking about.

Anonymous said...

Aw yes, Eastern has it all going for them: Taiwan ownership, hair transplants, Nascar techology and now wide tires and wider bars. But only one company brand so Nate doesn't get too confused when shopping.

Anonymous said...

hahaha! Fucking Rosanne Bar! That has to be the best handlebar name yet.

Anonymous said...

for real, I need bars, my t1's are bent... but i have no clue anymore

should someone just open a bmx boutique? Set up with displays of each bar so you can "try them on" with ed's grips,headsets and stems so you can feel how good they barspin and wip? Provide color swatches you can take home and coordinated your color scheme?

forget it, im just gonna wait till i find some shit on ebay. Old is the new Black

Corey said...

The United Nathan williams bars are 29" wide so those are up their. I have no problem with Eastern and ride one. These bars are way to big though and Fit is making 2.3 tires as well now. this is getting rediculous.

Jason said...

Nasbar...?

Smitty said...

I don't think anyone has ever used what I think is a rather obvious name...The Biker Bar. What, is it too obvious? If anyone wants that name, they can use it. Just send me one of the first production models, please, as a token of gratitude.


Verification word: regoutch. I'm thinking it's something you do after you've goutched.

nate said...

MUUAHHH HAAHHAAHAHAA!!!!

Anonymous 9:18, have you seen the enormous selection of bars over at Dans Comp? It's kind of too late for me!

Can't. . . decide. . . Too. . . many. . . options. . . !

brien said...

9/42 bars, stephen? what a weirdo.
go dale jr

Drew K said...

I caught the Minor Threat reference right away, good post. I swear all kids these days care about is how light your bike is and how wide your bars are. Its almost sad.

Anonymous said...

Bar Mitzvahs was one of the better names.



Coke Bar ?

Barcade ?

BARtle and James ?

jingles said...

"If you like your barspins to sound like the blades of a Huey, cool"

haha best SPRFLS quote of all time

thwop thwop thwop thwop

Bailey said...

i have held in my hands S&M 4-piece Grand Slams. or maybe it was just Slams. or maybe it was a plate at dennys...

but really. they were funny.

also-more mars should be named after dennys menu items.

Stuffed French toast Bar?

Bars Over MyHammy?

no....

G.S.GUCCILIFE said...

Uhm...RUss,since you are preventing yourself from big bars,and predicting a riot.why not BARricade? Or Huey Lewis and the news bar?

v word:regasta

Stephen said...

Damnit, Brien...

I looked it up and apparently, Juan Montoya was the last guy to run number 30 in cup.

So much for my being clever.

boidddle

ljwunder said...

handlebarfs.

Russ said...

Huey Lewis and the News Bar????

*brain explodes*

I can't read "Huey Lewis" without thinking of "Back To the Future" and "American Psycho." Sometimes the two combine and Marty has to go back in time to slaughter a bunch of hookers.

Someone needs to make the $100,000 Bar and actually charge $100,000 for them.

bill said...

Geez, these people (eastern and others) are really over thinking all this stuff. A 9"x30" bar? really?

I remember back in the 90's there was this kid who had one arm longer than the other, and Shag (former owner of Cycle Craft) made him a custom set of bars with one side really tall so it evened out his arms. No clue why this made me think of that kid.

jeremy said...

don't knock em till you try em. the 80's had bars bigger than this. oh wait, 2000's are the 80's all over again

t.f.a. said...

to make it extra sweet the $100,000 Bar would have to exist for a couple decades then, for no real reason, have the name changed to the "Hundred Grand" bar.

Anonymous said...

lol these would look funny on that ukbikeco frame

Russ said...

TFA: Indeed.

Anon 4:33: I'm waiting for the first pair of bars that are actually heavier than a frame. Or at least bigger. As long as toptubes keep dropping and bars keep rising, I'm holding out hope.

Duncan said...

Do people out there really hate Solid? Fuckin' excellent company--they'll make anything custom for you, including the rather heinous set of 10x30" four piece bars and scooter frame that kid had on thecomeup awhile back. But they are a great, legit rider-owned company.

I don't know about bigger bars having existed in the '80s. I can think of the GT Andy Patterson bars that were 10x28" (I think), and similar SE Wing Bars, but the fact is, no one really ran those. CW bars, 8x28, baby! That was the steez circa 83-85.

rod hull said...

duh - the 9 bar!
i am a fucking shit londoner
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=9%20bar

Jon Saunders said...

I definitely don't want anything Eastern remotely associated with the 9:30 Club!!!!!!!!!!!!

Noel said...

Guilty Of Being Wide....well done, sir. You could make a badass shirt out of that, you know: use a Minor Threat font to write SPRFLS, have a picture of some 9" bars with the phrase....

jeremy said...

i want some old, chrome gt race bars. the huge ones. someone source me a pair.

mat said...

9:30 is an awesome name but i'd never ride them

Anonymous said...

Why is it that for every extra quarter-inch rise there is, there is like an extra 2 inches of width?

Man, the stuff i would do for a set of 2-piece 8.25 rise bars with 25 inch width, with room for levers (without running them on the bends)

Macneil Silencer tall - 7.75 inch rise with 24 inch width

Macneil Silencer XLT - 8 rise with 27.75 inch width???? WTF

Anonymous said...

Gold Bars?

carrud

DBZ said...

BITCH PLEEZE!

*chugs coffee*

jeff said...

My bars sound more like a roflcopter than a Huey.

Word verification: vitur
Some kind of new pokemon?

G.S.GUCCILIFE said...

Also,RUss,the title of this post, would be such a great name for a movie,you know,like,intellectual porn type shit...

v word:gulac

Anonymous said...

Anon: Beringers are close, 8x25. Couple that with a topload or flipped frontload & you should be right.

chris jett said...

If there was ever a product to resurrect the gay bar moniker, these would fit.

Chris Jett said...

Or "the wingspan."

Noel said...

"Pterodactyl" bars?

Anonymous said...

DEADBLOG

cizatio said...

Why are you dissing Solid for?

They are a good company.

If people want to run big bars let them. It's not your money.

If people want to make big bars let them. It's not your money.

If little kids get sore arms from spanning their arms on big bars like an albatross it's their fault.

Talk something else productive like
how to smuggle drugs inside G-Sport hubs or something...

G.S.GUCCILIFE said...

The G in G-sport stands for "GANJA"......

Anonymous said...

"Man, the stuff i would do for a set of 2-piece 8.25 rise bars with 25 inch width, with room for levers (without running them on the bends)"

I guess you'll do anything short of having S&M or Solid make you custom bars.

Anonymous said...

No posts? Parents make you get off the couch and look for a job?

robbosstache said...

the best part of this blog is that it brings some of the cattiest, amazingly ignorant and totally incapable of multi step logical thought people associated with bmx onto the internet to say completely stupid things anonymously. it always makes it hard to get through my doctor pepper without putting some through my nose.

Anonymous said...

When a new update of this boring dead blog?

I am anxious!

APersonYoullNeverMeetAnyway said...

Who the fuck spells out doctor in Dr. Pepper? What a faggot.

Anonymous said...

^ As if put period after doctor, poo-jabber.

knelli said...

^^^^^^^^
Case in point.

"the best part of this blog is that it brings some of the cattiest, amazingly ignorant and totally incapable of multi step logical thought people associated with bmx onto the internet to say completely stupid things anonymously."

Anonymous said...

Somewhere Trevor Meyer is looking at his old custom 10" 30" wide pair of Powerlite bars he rode in the 90's and thinking "I told them so!"

Will said...

I'm assuming that the title is also a pley on the title of a Minor Threat Song?

Will said...

*PLAY

t.f.a. said...

how dare you have something to do with your time besides live for your BMX blog.

Rod Stewart said...

This is the best thing i've read on your site since the last time i came here 6 months ago.

Anonymous said...

Hey cocksucker you should update your blog soon.

Anonymous said...

Get bengt, son.

bill said...

I love the hating "anonymous" people. Give the man a break! Everyone has a life. Shit happens. and... Russ just got laid off and I heard he was riding a Tierra in SanFran asking for coke in front of a tranny strip club. Could be true. Not sure. (?)

Anonymous said...

I just saw it on the come up. Verified.

tenes said...

ODD ODD ROBOT MAN!

Anonymous said...

bill: hahaha!

will: all the post titles are plays on song titles/band names, genius.

James said...

dead blog

Anonymous said...

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

No posts for a whole week?

Anonymous said...

Russ it's been a week with no Superfluous material. I'm having withdrawls.
Oh and these bars suck. I was just asking myself if eastern could get any gayer and here this is. Their next bars are gonna be a rip off of S&M Lumberjack Slams you just wait

Anonymous said...

The only thing keeping this deadblog alive is hate comments.

word verification:DEADBLOG

Anonymous said...

I killed Russ

James said...

maybe russ actually went riding.

Anonymous said...

I think his parents died.

DEADBLOG said...

DEADBLOG DEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOGDEADBLOG

Chris Duncan Clothing said...

I'M HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stephen said...

Fare thee well, Hiawatha. Fare thee well.

scurea said...

R.I.P Russ...

I guess George French is too busy this time around to write stuff for SPRFLS. :P

You heard it right folks...

Anonymous said...

I think he got hit by a truck carrying Roseanne bars.....

RussIsDead said...

WTF my word verification is noning?

BTW yeah this blog is DEAD.

DDDDDDDD..... EEEEEE...... DDDDD

DEAD.

The BMX world can move on with their 'guilty' wide bars, 'guilty' scooter frames with short rears, 'guilty' cutout stems, 'guilty' ventilated frames, welded on stem-bar combos and 3 pound frames made using ancient Japanese ninja sword making secrets like nothing happened...

R.I.P Russ...

MitchfromtheNZ said...

You forgot EDHbikeco Grab Ya Bars
wide and high

Google them